Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

It’s Pronounced Rubberneck-IN’

Ignore the false start–Elvis would pull that shit on the band at most shows during his Vegas years–and the post-song plea for wawa. Listen to these motherfuckers. And on Rubberneckin’! The performance is far more than the song deserves! Suspicious Minds has a killer riff and memorable chorus; Hound Dog and Heartbreak Hotel are stone-cold classics; In The Ghetto has that part where it gets real loud. Rubberneckin’ is just shit.

But the TCB Band rips it several new assholes.

When men* have common purpose, mountains tremble.

 

 

* And the Sweet Inspirations and Kathy Westmoreland, the li’l lady who sings all them high notes.

“EV’RYBODY LOOK AT KATHY. SHE GONNA DO A TWIRL.

“SHOW ‘EM THEM SLACKS, KATHY WESTMORELAND!”

How the hell did you get into a footnote?

“AH AM TH’ KING.”

True.

“SHE SINGS UP REAL HAH, MAN. DOGS GIT SQUIRRELY ‘ROUND HER.”

I can’t spend all night talking to you.

“YES, YEW CAN. YEW GOT NOTHIN’ BETTER T’ DO, AN’ AH NEED ME A NEW CHARLIE HODGE.”

What happened to the real one?

“TURNS OUT HE CANNOT FETCH A LAHZ’NGE. BOY AIN’T GOOD WITH NEW INF’RMATION. HE POPPED A VALVE OR SOMETHIN’, MAN. HIS EYEBALLS AIN’T FACING TH’ SAME WAY NO MORE.”

Terrible to hear.

“YEW GOT NO IDEA, MAN. AH TRIED PUTTIN’ RED WEST ON SCARVES AN’ WATER DUTY, BUT THAT LIPFLAPPIN’ GOPHER WANNA CHEW UP MY EAR. AH JUS’ WANT MAH SCARF! DON’ BE PUTTIN’ Y’R TWO CENTS IN, AND AH AIN’ PAYIN’ NO PENNY F’R NO THOUGHTS!”

Tough to find good help.

“SONNY COULDN’ DO IT, NEITHER! KEPT THINKIN’ AH WANTED T’ RASSLE! AH ASKED F’R A SCARF, AN’ TH’ SUMBITCH TACKLED ME DOWN TH’ DANG STEPS! AN’ USUALLY, AH LOVE RASSLIN’ WITH SONNY, BUT NOT WHEN AH WUZ IN SUCH DIRE NEED OF A SCARF. JOE ESPOSITO WUZ TH’ WORST, THOUGH.”

How so?

“BOY DON’ KNOW WHAT A SCARF IS. KEPT BRINGIN’ ME BEACH TOWELS AND BATHROOM TISSUE. ONE TIME, HE BROUGHT ME AN OVEN MITT. AH WUZ FORCED TO FIRE MAH PISTOL AT HIM TWO OR THREE TIMES.”

That’s an ineffective teaching tool, King.

“AH AM NO PROPONENT OF MONTESSORI!”

Wasn’t expecting that declaration. Can I go?

“WATCH KATHY TWIRL!”

Fine, fine.

KATHY TWIRLING NOISE

You’re a lovely woman, Kathy.

“COURSE SHE IS.”

2 Comments

  1. Luther Von Baconson

    Pigpen
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=iKo42Tw0Loc

  2. Mean, Green, Devil Eating Machine

    On the Rubbernecking video, set the Playback Speed to 0.75 to get an approximation of Pigpen.

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