Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

A Terrible Poem About My New Mustache

Whither come you from?
Answer me, damn you:

You were wispy and sparse.
You were weedy and spare.
The top of my head had hair
And then didn’t
But now does again.
Never my face
Or legs
Or arms
Or chest.
Perhaps I have some Cherokee in me.
(I do not have any Cherokee in me.)

But now I am brambled.
My lip quivers under the novel weight.
What of my nasal integrity?
This may call for labial buttressing.
Good God, a pucker scaffold might just do!
The doctor did not mention this possibility.

I’m gonna get my wind back,
And I’m gonna pair it with my New Mustache,
And we’re gonna murder the Clanton Gang.
We’re gonna clean up this town.


  1. Dawn Judd

    interesting. i am glad that your hair is coming back!

    • Thoughts On The Dead

      Me, too. I think I’m gonna grow it all right the fuck out. If I live, I’m gonna live hairy.

    • Thoughts On The Dead

      Good gravy. Mine was sad, but not like that.

  2. Chris

    I’ll be your huckleberry

  3. wabisabied

    Congrats on the ‘stach.

    • wabisabied

      ‘stache, dammit. (spellcheck fukced me up. plus vodka.)

  4. JES


  5. Luther Von Baconson

    May your Mustaches be as follicularly formidable as Danny Hutton’s

    • JES

      That’s a really freakin’ brilliant song and video there, Sr Baconson. I had no idea Danny had such a career, pre-Dog. If TotD can indeed cultivate a Huttonesque ‘stache, then the “muchachos” will surely flow organically and plentifully from his virtual pie-hole . . .

  6. MJK

    Von Baconson, you’re a funny bastard.

  7. michael Debruin

    Morocco Beard Balm.

    Oh baby.

  8. hcm

    Welcome, Mustache on Thoughts on The Dead (MoToTD)!

    “If I live, I’m gonna live hairy” is a philososphy I think we can all get behind.

  9. BingosBrother

    Who wants a mustache ride?

    • Anthony Pulsipher


  10. MJK

    I was just on TOtD Twitter page looking at Bobbys and Jerry’s guitar photos. I think Jerry used to play a black strat during space in 89? for a short period of time, used exclusively for MIDI. Anyway I think that was left out of the Jerry collection. And yes, way too much time on my hands.

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