Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Author: Thoughts On The Dead (Page 1 of 1005)

Shout It Out Loud

Now, what I heard was “TotD can cowrite my book.” You tell me what you heard.

(Watch right after Bobby gets introduced. I figured out how to have the video start at the right time. But go to 20:51 if you’re watching the whole thing.)

And go check out Musics4Masks, a new charity dealybob started by Bobby and Dave Schools that is repurposing unsellable Summer Tour 2020 merch into facemasks.

I Didn’t Know You Had A Niece

Oh, sweet nightmare.

“Eat it, man. You always forget I’m a man. Red-blooded and all that. And I’m a Rock Star. I get around, man.”

I know that intellectually, but on a primal level I cannot accept you as a sexual being.

“I had four kids and four wives.”

Notwithstanding.

“Your shallow reading of your characters is your fatal flaw. Except for Mickey. Mickey’s shallow, man.”

I think she’s into you.

“She’s right friendly.”

Gonna get a beej?

“Don’t be crass.”

You should give her an Ocean’s 11.

“I have no idea what that is, man.”

Three casinos at once.

“Parish!”

LONELY DISEASED WEIRDO RUNNING AWAY NOISE

Suggestions For Debate Moderators From The Trump Campaign

The Trump campaign is asking the Commission on Presidential Debates to move up the last presidential debate to the first week in September to get ahead of an expected surge in early voting.

Driving the news: President Trump’s personal attorney, former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani, made the request in a letter dated Wednesday and obtained by Axios.

What to watch: The letter also includes a list of suggested moderators — including Bret Baier and Hugh Hewitt — and asks the commission to solidify backup plans for “a simple studio format with no audience” for presidential and vice presidential debates in case of further coronavirus complications. – Axios, 8/5/20

  • Four or five of Steve Bannon’s shirts.
  • Maybe a girl can do it, but only if she’s got a hot rack and she’s not gonna get nasty.
  • The Midnight Cowboy himself, Jon Voight!
  • Some straws can moderate debates. Not a lot of people know that, but some straws are geniuses. Only the bendy, obviously. Smart straws!
  • Mike Love.
  • Let Don Junior do it.
  • A black? Is there a black that can do it? Some straws can, but I don’t know about the blacks. When you think “debate moderating,” you don’t think of a black. I gotta be honest here. You don’t think of a black. Wait, what about Reggie Jackson? He could do it. Bright guy, Reggie. See if he’s still alive, and have him moderate the debates. Solved. Bing ding dong.
  • Touch-‘Em Monkeys. Jared told me all about them. They’re monkeys, but you can train them to grab a guy’s nuts and squeeze real hard. Wouldn’t that be great? We’re halfway through the debate, and I give the the Touch-‘Em Monkey the high sign, and he squeezes Sleepy Joe’s balls. That’s good teevee!
  • The MyPillow guy.
  • Whoever he is, he’s not gonna be wearing a mask like a homo.

Paint By Drummer Morning Guy

Hey, Mickey. Whatcha doing?

“I have no idea! Gonna be honest with you: The fans are not enough ventilation. I’m inhaling a lot of fumes here.”

You look a little woozy.

“Might have had a few Brown Russians, too.”

What’s a Brown Russian?

“Vodka and Yoo-Hoo.”

Ugh.

“Don’t knock ’em until you’ve had eight or nine of ’em. They’ll get on top of you.”

Eight or nine of anything will get on top of you.

“Yeah, but Yoo-Hoo is delicious.”

No, it’s not. Yoo-Hoo is the only beverage that produces thirst. You need a drink after you drink a Yoo-Hoo.

“That’s what the vodka’s for!”

Sure. Mickey?

“Yeah?”

There’s paint on your face.

“You should see my balls.”

Gotcha.

Three Coins In A Fountain That Was Not Made By The Hands Of Man

“Heard those rooty-toots were here last year.”

Rooty-toots?

“Those scooby-snacker. The dopers, for Christ’s sake! The dopers!”

The Grateful Dead?

“Whatever they call themselves. I call ’em bums. The people pay good money to see you. Y’gotta class it up for ’em. Buy a tuxedo, get a new hairpiece, put some effort into your presentation. Blue jeans! They wear their blue jeans!”

That’s what they’re comfortable in, Mr. Sinatra.

“I’m comfortable with my bird in a hooker! I don’t do it onstage, capice? There’s a time and a place!”

Yes, sir. I see you’re playing the Pyramids.

“We’re doing it for peace. And, uh, Jerry Weintraub set it up, and he’s the best.”

Sure.

“Big Sally! Pop this prick!”

LONELY DISEASED WEIRDO GETTING PUNCHED IN THE JAW BY A LEGENDARY CROONER’S GOON NOISE

Ow! Why would you do that?

“That’s what I do!”

Yeah, I guess.

 

 

Gotta Have A Plan

Gonna get me a Cadillac car. With velour seats and a full-size spare tire. Have a old friend of mine do the test drive, make sure it runs nice and smooth. Gonna hide a .38 under the front seat and point that giant hood West and drive all the way across America until I run out of highway. I ain’t young, but I can still Go West.

And drink and dance with one hand free.

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