Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Memories Of The Riot

Hey, Oteil. Whatcha doing?

“The thing I love best.”

You’re a positive force in this universe, and I love you for it.

“I hear you’ve been doing a little dip into my old stomping grounds.”

Huh?

“Hair Metal.”

Don’t do this.

“That was my 20’s. Your boy O wasn’t always a family man. When I was with the Riot, man, I tore it up.”

Oteil, you were not in Quiet Riot.

“I was. It’s just that I was named Rudy Sarzo at the time.”

And you were white?

“Ever see that David Lynch movie Mulholland Drive? That whole idea of doubles? It was like that.”

But that movie made no sense.

“And yet it’s a classic. Bill Pullman is Balthazar Getty, and I was Rudy Sarzo. I can’t explain this any more clearly.”

You probably couldn’t, no.

“Me and my band moved out to Los Angeles in the spring of ’77. We were called John Dillinger’s Penis. We’d been playing around South Florida but there was nowhere to go from there, so we got in the van and then we were on the coast. It was me and Jim-Jim and Shushy and TK. Our first week in town, the three of them were molested to death by Rodney Bingenheimer.”

To death?

“The Bing goes hard. Between him and Kim Fowley, there’s at least two dozen corpses.”

I wouldn’t doubt that.

“Luckily, I met Kevin Dubrow the next day and my life changed. I mean, my life didn’t change that day. Took us a couple years to get a record deal, but they were fun years. Girls would bring us groceries, and we would take dookies on their chests. We were not held responsible for our actions.”

I get that.

“Life got even crazier when I joined up with Ozzy. Oh, man. I don’t like to talk about it. Wow. Are you drinking something?”

I have a Crystal Gayle.

“An Arnold Palmer made with Crystal Lite?”

Yes.

“Nice. Pour some out for Randy.”

I am not pouring anything out for Randy Rhodes. Stop this. You didn’t know him.

“That man was a brother to me.”

It’s official: you’re as crazy as the rest of ’em. Congratulations.

5 Comments

  1. Some readers may be skeptical of ToTD’s claim here.

    Allow me to share some supporting evidence, in particular evidence of Oteil’s love of tights.

    At the Boulder shows, on shakedown street there was a vendor who had sold Billy the 4-skulls button down shirts, 4 skulls sharing the main skull box arranged in a cross. Cool shirt, Billy wore it somewhere this summer.

    Anyhow, I says to the man.
    “Cool shirts that is the one Billy Wore”

    The Man says, yeah “Billy and Oteil came out and bought some stuff in Mountain View , Oteil bought three pairs of tights !!” while pointing at some freaky tights.

    So we have for a fact that Oteil bought tights, spandex tie-dyed tights.

    The man continues, saying..
    “next night Oteil comes out and explains that Jess Burbridge did not allow Oteil to wear the tights”

    Jess is keeping Oteil from expressing himself, or is she saving him from himself.

    “Let Oteil wear tights”

  2. If you meant Kim Fowley, then two dozen is a conservative estimate.

  3. I’m not sure how widely known this is… but Oteil was actually an actor in his youth.

    He plays the street kid who threatens Peter Sellers with a switch blade in the 80s classsic ‘Being There’.

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