- There’s a lot of pussies out there who’ll tell you not to kill yourself.
- They’ll whimper at you, “Suicide is never the answer.”
- Horseshit.
- Look at that picture.
- LOOK AT IT.
- That’s what happens when you don’t kill yourself.
- The Mainstream Media won’t tell you this, but suicide is more dignified than continued existence nine out of ten times.
- For example, no person has ever suicided and then gone on to ask 2018 if it was ready to Ratt n’ Roll.
- In front of the AC wall unit.
- Okay, to sum up my main point: we should all kill ourselves, BUT before we do, let’s take a better look at what I am inclined to call The Greatest Photo EVAR.
- Legally, this is Ratt.
- Perhaps you noticed the adverb in that sentence.
- This is because in every other sense, this is not Ratt.
- I didn’t take enough philosophy classes to deal with whether or not this is Ratt.
- Is this a Ship of Theseus question?
- Is there a Ratt gestalt, an ur-Ratt, that individuals move in and out of?
- Is this set theory?
- All I know is that these gentlemen and their grandson on the right own title to the name “Ratt.”
- That guy’s not a Ratt.
- He’s a teenager doing a Cliff Burton impression.
- He doesn’t know who Milton Berle was, or his connection to Ratt that scored them so much airplay on the young MTV channel.
- He looks bitchin’ and I want to drink beers in a parking lot with him, but he’s clearly not a Ratt.
- But number four?
- I can’t pin that fucker’s age down.
- He might be 23.
- He might be an ageless viking.
- (He is neither of these. That man is named Chris Sanders and he’s 32 and he plays with all the legacy Hair Metal acts. Chris is actually on the come-up as far as his chosen career: he’s gone from London to Britny Fox to Ratt. Also: Holy shit, London’s still around?)
- But the three guys on the left are true-blue Ratts, right?
- The guy in the middle is Stephen Pearcy, the lead singer.
- Or a sex doll of him that was left in the sun and worked over by dogs.
- Or Mickey Rourke’s character from The Wrestler.
- Any of those.
- So the old guys next to him must also be Ratts, right?
- Nah.
- The one on the left who looks like a drummer?
- He’s the drummer.
- He was never a Ratt.
- Looks like he could be, sure.
- I don’t know what the actual drummer from Ratt looks like now, but I’m sure it’s not that far off Sad Larry Bird up there.
- If I hadn’t been so fascinated by the photo, I would have assumed that man was a Ratt.
- He was not.
- Pete Holmes was in Black & Blue, which was a Hair Metal band so obscure that you’re not quite sure I didn’t make it up.
- Tommy Thayer, who is now in KISS pretending to be Ace Frehley, was also in Black & Blue.
- Pete is most likely not getting paid as much as Tommy–although as cheap as Gene and Paul are, Tommy’s certainly not raking it in–but Pete doesn’t have to cosplay as another human being every night.
- Pete gets the win, I think.
- SOOOOO…yeah: just Two and Three are Ratts, and Two is the fucking bassist.
- And the air conditioning unit cries Mary…
I saw Ratt open for BOC in ’83. I didn’t care about Ratt but the most remarkable thing about their set was that the bass player never stopped bobbing his head furiously and jumping up and down–non stop movement for the entire set. I’m guessing he’s no longer capable of that but I’m glad to see he’s still in the band. His shtick was the most interesting thing they had to offer.
Truman E. Capot right there beside SLB.
they could step up their Axe Game a bit
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=219&v=S42zfnycogw
Last week Ratt was at the Paramount on Long Island and Pearcy was so wasted he couldn’t stand up.
YouTube it… Worse than old Garcia ever nodded off.