“Thoughts on my Ass!”
Hey, Billy. Are you holding a pickle?
“Nah. Optical illusion. I stuck a half-sour up my ass once, though.”
“The thing about touring is that most of the country sucks. You ever been to Norman, Oklahoma?”
“Best restaurant in town is a dead goat on the side of the highway. That’s the only entertainment, too. So, I shoved a pickle in my butthole. The brine makes for a very strange sensation. I’m convinced there’s phantom taste buds down there.”
“Then why did I want a corned beef sandwich?”
I have no idea.
“Course, you can’t get any decent Jew food in Oklahoma. I called down to room service for some kascha varnishkes and they threw Mickey out of the hotel.”
“And don’t order the tacos, either.”
“They just give you a steak while singing La Cucaracha at you. Shit, even I thought that was racist, and I was wearing blackface at the time.”
Wow. Can we talk about voting?
“Shit, yeah. Love voting. Doing all my research right now.”
What are your views on the candidates?
“I’m beginning to think this Trump guy is bad news.”
“Most likely not going for him again.”
“Biden’s all right. I kinda see myself in him.”
“He’s an old, confused man that’s been coasting on his reputation for a few decades now.”
“And I like the chick.”
Woman. And there are several in the race.
“Who’s the crazy one?”
“Yeah, I’m pretty sure she’d launch the nukes before she was halfway through taking the oath. I’d still bang her, but I can’t support her. What’s the other one’s name? I wanna say Lady Branford.”
Kamala Harris. And that is WILDLY offensive.
“I’d claim her like King Leopold.”
“And y’know what? I’d even toss Frowny Saltpeter a quick one.”
Her name is Elizabeth Warren.
“She’s an Indian, right? What’s her name, Softens Boners?”
Let’s move on. What about the men in the race.
“I’m not banging any of them, not even the two that enjoy that shit.”
This was a great chat.
“We push boundaries.”