Mark my words: Jane Goodall is a crazy person. I’ve not read her work, nor looked into her in even a cursory fashion, but you listen to me–that lady’s a loon.

Why must you have these idiot ramblings out loud?

She once went on a Jdate with Mickey and spent an hour picking nits, grubs, and lice from his pelt. Then she presented and, you know: Mickey thought it was fucked up, but he went with and made sweet monkey–

Ape.

–love to that esteemed animalologist right there in the movie theater.

That didn’t happen.

…

But it feels like it did.

It does not.