TotD was rummaging around in the Problem Attic this morning. Showed Dr. Luke around; he’s new to the place and keeps arguing he doesn’t belong there.

Sam was there. With his trenchcoat and beret hiding his belly and combover, and screaming like a horny baby. Cheating on his wife with her twin and expecting to get away with it. Showing up unreasonably late and unreasonably high. Driving his sports car with his stomach so he could use his hands to make a point. Staying up way too late.

Sometimes, Sam would stay up forever.

And I know, Enthusiasts, that none of this bullshit is cool anymore. It’s just skinny assholes in pirate clothing. Over-accessorized white dudes cheering for tits and hamming it up for the camera. Chromed-up whammy bars for coked-up prancers.

But, God help me, I still want to be Slash.