Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Tag: steve parish (Page 3 of 7)

Speaking Of George C. Scott…

January 26, 2017 / / 3 Comments

Old Dog, New Trixie aired on UPN in 2005; the plot centered around newlyweds Trixie and Amir Bar-Lev dealing with her sons, his daughters, and Steve Parish, a roadie with the Grateful Dead who has taken them all hostage. But–and here’s the twist–they learn to love the old coot, and he moves in. TC played the wacky next-door neighbor, and it was cancelled during its first commercial break.

OR

It really is a fetching haircut.

“Don’t talk to me.”

Just being nice.

“Parish is literally right here. Look at his face.”

…

Have a nice night.

“Bye.”

OR

I would like someone to put this photo in a Stealie, put in on a tee-shirt, and give it to me.

Bobby, You Knew I Was A Snake Tee-Shirt When You Put Me On

December 22, 2016 / / 4 Comments

Enthusiasts, this is the rarest photograph of all: The Feeding of Snake Tee-Shirt.

“Who sssaid my name?”

Hey, Snake Tee-Shirt.

“Bobby?”

No.

“Oh.”

You miss your guy?

“I ssstill fit him! I would make him look sssexy!”

Don’t do this, Snake Tee-Shirt. Move on.

“I can’t forget the feel of hisss ssskin.”

Ew. What do you eat, anyway?

“Sssocksss with picturesss of ratsss on them.

Ew.

It’s 106 Miles To Front Street, He’s Got Half-A-Joint, It’s Dark, And He’s Wearing Sunglasses

November 15, 2016 / / 3 Comments

parish-big-old-joint

What is going on here?

“Pointin’ at randos! Gonna hit one in a bit.”

Why?

“The money.”

Randos are paying you to hit them?

“What’s a better story for a Deadhead than getting hit by Parish? That’s elite, man. Like getting tossed from Winterland by Bill Graham himself.”

They just walk up to you and pay you to hit them?

“No, that’s ridiculous.”

Oh.

“Peter Shapiro sets up the deals.”

Ah.

Solo, Solos

October 28, 2016 / / 1 Comment

jerry-parish-80s-onstage-jps

Parish, stop looking for people to hit.

“I’m not looking for people to hit.”

…

“I’m scanning to see who needs hitting.”

Big difference.

“To not hit someone who requires it does a disservice to them, and to society in general.”

You know Danny McBride is gonna play you on the Amazon show, right?

“Ooh, look. I just found someone who needs hitting.”

I’m leaving.

Campus Rumpus

October 15, 2016 / / 3 Comments

bobby-jerry-parish-drumz-campus-stadium

Parish had been a drummer for the Grateful Dead for five minutes when he threw a tantrum, punched the rest of the band, and flew home.

OR

“It feels nice on your back, Jer.”

“Don’t rub my back, Weir.”

…

“Your front?”

“Parish! Oh, you’re right there.”

OR

Either Mrs. Donna Jean is shaking her maracas, or Phil has the daintiest hands I’ve seen on a man since politics politics politics.

OR

In a karate fight with improvised weapons that took place in a drum store, cabasa vs. maracasa is an even match up: cabasa is good for a hammer-type blow, while you can wield the maracas like sai. Obviously, a guiro is of no use whatsoever in karate fighting. Optimally, you would stand at a distance and frisbee ride cymbals at your opponent’s neck as hard as you could.

OR

This shot’s from 6/4/78 at the University of California at Santa Barbara. (Go Banana Slugs!)

Three Men And A Peavy

August 18, 2016 / / 1 Comment

mickey peavey bill walton parish

If you make t-shirts, then Mickey will be there.

OR

Major league potato salad.

OR

Feeling nostalgic, Parish picked a fat guy with a beard at random, and then punched someone for getting to close to him.

OR

There are at least three couples having kayak-sex in McCovey Cove behind Mickey.

OR

Why, Jake Peavey, how do you do?

“Fine. Thank you. Nice to meet a fan.”

Look at you all poured into that uniform. What’s your batting average?

“I’m a pitcher.”

I was hoping.

…

“Really?”

What kind of grip do you use on your balls, Jake Peavey?

“Just one E in the last name.”

One E, got it. What about a D?

“Listen, man: I’m in a relationship. We met at a show. Right on Shakedown.”

That sounds like a bad idea.

“No, it’s wonderful. I’m very happy. Oh, there they are.”

They?

bert ernie balloons

“YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH POLYAMORY, BIGOT?”

“LOVE IS LOVE!”

You guys know Captain Fuck?

“HE MARRIED US!”

“AND THEN FUCKED US!”

I’m done.

Tiger, Tiger Burning Shore

June 7, 2016 / / 9 Comments

parish jake peavy tiger

You might remember that Tiger came through town last week or so; a pitcher named Jake Peavy borrowed the thing and everybody took pictures and this one is sweet. There are only a handful of people who can claim any sort of ownership of Tiger. Legally, of course, Irsay is the owner. But that guitar’s got a little bit of Parish in her: he didn’t build her, or play her, or buy her; Parish made sure no one stole it. Tiger was surrounded by intensely sketchy people for most of her career, but she always went home with the right guy.

Also, I’m pretty sure that’s Jason Newsted’s kid.

A Note On Jim Irsay: worse people could own Tiger. He’s got all his guitars–150 or so–in a secure place with the right humidity and whatnot, plus he hired a guy to take care of them. It could be worse, but then again…

irsay tiger

…it probably couldn’t be. Rock and fuckin’ roll, Jimmy.

New Year’s Steve

June 7, 2016 / / 0 Comments

IMG_4372

Parish gave his last fuck in 1987; he was burying another rando (touched Garcia) and the ground was tough. He had to use the shovel as a spade to chop through a thick root buried under the dirt. It just wouldn’t give, and Parish put his foot up on the shovel to give himself leverage and SHKRAK the fibrous gnarl gave way to tender soil beneath.

And as the root split, so did Parish’s last fuck. In later years, Parish would wonder what the two things had to do with one another, but then he would realize he didn’t give a fuck.

(Also: I have nothing but love and respect for my sister-in-law Annabelle Garcia, but she may or may not know how to spell Parish’s last name. Perhaps Parish spelled it wrong on his book. We’ll never know.)

Things Parish Might Be Pretending To Hold

April 1, 2016 / / 4 Comments

jerry flower shirt parish vacation

  • Boobies.
  • Buttocks.
  • Two small pumpkins.
  • The world’s sins.
  • Old-timey bombs – the spherical one with the fuse sticking out the top.
  • Straight cash, homey.
  • He and Garcia’s back-up Hawaiian shirts. (What if the first shirt had a frocket blow-out?)
  • Infant to be sacrificed to Melanifnif, the God of Vacations.
  • Entropy and Order, the founding twins of the omniverse; Parish will weigh their deeds and pass his brutal judgment.
  • Two ostrich eggs.
  • Five or six eagle eggs.
  • Many chicken eggs.
  • Garcia’s invisible guitar, which was made by Alembic and cost $10 grand.
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