Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

The Tenor Of The Situation

“MotherFUCKER! How am I back here? Me and Miles drove off in his Lamborghini.”

“Did he turn left?”

“Yeah.”

“There you go.”

“Bob, you’re gonna explain what the fuck is happening or I’m shoving my horn up your ass.”

“Branford, are you familiar with the concept of semi-fictionality?”

“Oh, this is some white people bullshit.”

“I won’t argue with you about that. Pig’s girlfriend and Merl Saunders said the exact same thing. I,uh, don’t know much about black people, but I do know that you folks are aggressively averse to time travel. Our bass player gets real pissy about it.”

“I’ll bet.”

“His name is Branford, too, as I’ve mentioned.”

“Uh-huh. Yo, Oteil?”

“Yeah?”

“Why does Bobby think you’re named Branford?”

“The Grateful Dead thinks every black man is named Branford.”

“I don’t know if I’m pissed off or honored.”

“I’d be pissed off if they knew white people’s names, but they just make up shit for them, too.”

“Uh-huh. You gonna tell me what’s happening here?”

“Well, remember that I’m the new guy.”

“Sure.”

“But we’re stuck in some sort of lazy universe full of unexplained magick.”

“Why’d you stick a ‘k’ on that ‘magic?'”

“Because magic is card tricks. This shit is some bullshit.”

“Uh-huh. And is there any–”

SHWAZZATHOOM!

“–way out ofOH C’MON!”

“Oh, hey, man. You back?”

“WHY DID THAT HAPPEN?”

“Did you talk to Oteil?”

“Yeah.”

“There you go.”

“THAT’S NOT A FUCKING REASON FOR TIME TRAVEL!”

“Yelling is almost always counter-productive, man.”

“Well, can you blame me? This is downright unsettling.”

“You get used to it. Good thing is that dying is less consequential.”

“What? You can’t die in here?”

“Oh, no, you can. But then the guy who co-wrote Billy’s book comes to the afterlife and brings you back in a racecar.”

“What!?”

“It’s not the most efficient method, probably.”

“AH’LL TAKE YOU HOME, MISTER BRANF’RD!”

“That can’t be who it sounds like.”

“AH HAVE BROUGHT WITH ME TH’ TIME SCARF T’ AID US IN OUR CHRONOLOGICAL TO-IN’s AN’ FRO-IN’S!”

“This is all just stupid.”

“AH SEE YOU AN’ YER GIANT SUNGLASSES THERE, HAIRY GARCIA!”

“Hey, King.”

“NOW JOIN ME, MISTER BRANFORD. WE GONNA GO ON ADVENTURES THROUGH TIME TOGETHER.”

“No, I don’t want to.”

“WE GONNA KARATE HITLER RIGHT IN HIS FACE!”

“Garcia?”

“Yeah, man?”

“What the fuck?”

“Well, it’s like the snake said to the old lady: You knew we were weird before you jammed with us.”

“SADDLE UP, SAX MAN!”

“Goddammit.”

6 Comments

  1. NoThoughtsOnDead

    August 30, 2018 at 1:11 am

    “SADDLE UP, SAX MAN!” is about as good a battle cry as any. “Goddammit.” is about what I’d say when anyone proposes riding into battle.

  2. I just happened to be listening to 9-10-91 tonight and I rarely venture out of the ’70s.
    For the first time ever I think I look a little like Branford. Must be the hairline (or lack thereof).

  3. Man, I love it when Branford plays with Grateful Deads. But when I saw him, I had the same thought I had when I saw Brucey at Fare Thee Well – even the young friends are looking pretty old. Thank god for the Time Sheath.

  4. Now that jacket Garcia is wearing, that’s parachute fabric?

  5. John talks about time travel in this interview at around 25 minutes in.

    https://play.google.com/music/listen?u=0#/ps/Il2zwdwsfkqwqds3cjjwso2lhg4

    He totally owes ToTD for that, he is more or less wanting to take the land rover back to the 50’s comes this close to wanting to drive around with Elvis.

    • More or less describes little Aleppo at 34:00 or so.

      Dying and not dying at about 30.

      I am thinking that ToTD wrote John into existence.

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