“Why do you treat me so bad, Zack?”

“Baby, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’ve changed.”

“You haven’t.”

“I’ve lightened up.”

“Everything’s still grey and blue.”

“I meant my tone.”

“Oh. Yeah, I don’t believe that, either. It’s just gonna be the same thing if I come back.”

“No, baby. It’s gonna be different this time.”

“I want to believe you.”

“Believe me! Look what I did to Aquaman for you. That’s not your father’s Aquaman.”

“I think he might just suck in a different way.”

BITCHSLAP!

“Ow!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Don’t make me hit you again.”

“You’re right, that was my fault.”

“It’s, like, you didn’t even notice that his trident has five prongs. That’s 66% more extreme!”

“Sure, but doesn’t the “tri” in “trident mean–”

BITCHSLAP!

“Please stop making me hit you!”

“You’re right, Zack.”

“I’m just under so much pressure at work. No one understands how much better my movies are than Marvel’s.”

“They’re all stupid, Zack. Everyone’s stupid and you’re right.”

“I know!”

“You’re making DC great again.”

“I know. No one realizes how much time it takes to make EVERYTHING shiny and weightless and over-designed!”

“I love you, baby.”

“I love you, too.”

BITCHSLAP!

“I love you, too.”