- The Mandalorian is a teevee show about Star Wars.
- The Man, Delorean would have been about cars.
- But I digress.
- Disney’s streaming service went online today, after a fashion, and their Big Honkin’ Content is The Mandalorian.
- Netflix does Hollywood-budget movies, and Apple has that show about Steve Carrell honking Reese Witherspoon’s boobies on the Today show, and HBO had the show with the lady and her dragon.
- Amazon’s originals all feature actors your dad likes fighting crime, except for that one about the comedienne from the 50’s that your mom likes.
- Also, Amazon’s streaming service comes free with Amazon Prime, so I bet most people have it by accident.
- Disney Plus offers The Mandalorian as its BHC, to advertise that all Lucasfilm IP is now available exclusively on its platform.
- This is in addition to the Marvel Corporate Universe, the Muppets, and both entries in the Apple Dumpling Gang series.
- The service is aimed youthward, and towards stunted adults.
- Grown-ups should really subscribe to the Criterion Channel and watch Peter Greenaway films, but those type of flicks make my head hurt.
- I enjoy watching costumed adventurers punch one another, and also cartoons.
- Martin Scorsese would be appalled.
- Werner Herzog would not be, but only because Disney has paid him a great deal of money to appear in The Mandalorian as “Werner Herzog (in space).”
- There has been much mirth made at this casting, but I say it was inevitable once Forest Whitaker was in Rogue One.
- Herzog follows Whitaker like summer follows spring.
- Mark my words: Tom Waits is gonna be in one of these things real soon.
- Anyway, it’s Lone Wolf and Cub feat. Boba Fett (in space).
- The first episode does, though, pull a neat trick by making you think it’s gonna be Yojimbo (in space) up until the very last shots.
- And Boba Fett is not Boba Fett.
- Boba Fett was from Mandalore, and he wore the ancient magic armor of his people, who were all bounty hunters because whatever a character was in the movies, his whole race was in the Expanded Universe.
- Remember the Bothans that died stealing the plans to the Death Star?
- In the EU, the Bothan species was known glalaxy-wide for treachery and subterfuge.
- Or the Gamorrean guards at Jabba’s palace?
- The ones that looked like evil Inspector McGruffs?
- Well, it turns out their entire culture is based around fighting and violence and shit, in the EU at least.
- And I mention the Expanded Universe of Star Wars because that’s where all of this “Mandalorian” bullshit came from.
- The first mention of any backstory for Boba Fett was in the comic book.
- Y’know what else was in the comic book?
- That’s a fucking rabbit.
- Look how angry Tobacco the Space Monkey is that he has to team up with a fucking rabbit.
- And look how sad the caped wolfman is.
- No one is thrilled with this arrangement, Jaxxon.
- (The rabbit’s name is Jaxxon, and I knew that without looking it up, and I am both proud and not of that.)
- The word “Mandalorian” does not appear in the films; hell, Boba Fett didn’t even have a name until the second time he showed up.
- Stand there and look cool.
- Boba Fett was a design, not a character.
- What character there was was that of rank bitchery.
- First, he needs Darth Vader standing next to him in order to capture our beloved Star Warriors.
- Which is cheating.
- I could’ve done that.
- Then, he is eaten by a carnivorous sand-rectum.
- Bitch moves, the both of them.
- It is in Bob’s blood.
- Jango Fett was also a filthy little bitch.
- Left his incriminating bullshit out on the table for random Jedis to see.
- Bitch move.
- Failed to murder a virtually-undefended woman.
- The stink of bitch!
- Gets his head lopped off IMMEDIATELY upon entering a fight?
- F-E-T-T, that spells “bitch.”
- But–as I mentioned–he looked cool.
- He was like Space Fonzie.
- And the books and comics sold better when he was on the cover, so he garnered elaborate backstories, side quests, and possible futures.
- But this Mandalorian is not Boba, as he proved in the initial episode by not being completely incompetent.
- At no point did our anti-hero get eaten by a giant butthole in the desert.
- Which is not to say that the sarlaac incident was not alluded to.
- More than 50% of the shots in The Mandalorian are recreations of, or references to, shots from the Original Trilogy.
- Landspeeder skimming along.
- Vaguely Arabic architecture.
- Gonk droid.
- It’s all connected, man.
- And yet unlike the clumsy fan service of Rogue One and Solo, I did not hate these callbacks.
- I didn’t hate any of it, actually.
- Rogue One made me so angry I adopted a dachshund, let it bond with me, and then abandoned it on the side of the road.
- One mustn’t let anger fester.
- But The Mandalorian did not infuriate me, even when it got batshit insane at the end.
- Spoilers.
- Oh, God, the guy from Swingers has saved Star Wars.
1. All you have to do is type the words “Tobacco the Space Monkey” and you will have started my day with a broad and guileless smile of joy, and perhaps an involuntary clap of glee.
2. I do love Peter Greenaway movies, though.
3. Not so much Marvel ones.
4. But still, this . . . .
https://jericsmith.com/2010/09/28/little-movies-make-me-mad/
Mr Cool
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7U7QOJKJ1H8