Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Thoughts On The Mandalorian

  • The Mandalorian is a teevee show about Star Wars.
  • The Man, Delorean would have been about cars.
  • But I digress.
  • Disney’s streaming service went online today, after a fashion, and their Big Honkin’ Content is The Mandalorian.
  • Netflix does Hollywood-budget movies, and Apple has that show about Steve Carrell honking Reese Witherspoon’s boobies on the Today show, and HBO had the show with the lady and her dragon.
  • Amazon’s originals all feature actors your dad likes fighting crime, except for that one about the comedienne from the 50’s that your mom likes.
  • Also, Amazon’s streaming service comes free with Amazon Prime, so I bet most people have it by accident.
  • Disney Plus offers The Mandalorian as its BHC, to advertise that all Lucasfilm IP is now available exclusively on its platform.
  • This is in addition to the Marvel Corporate Universe, the Muppets, and both entries in the Apple Dumpling Gang series.
  • The service is aimed youthward, and towards stunted adults.
  • Grown-ups should really subscribe to the Criterion Channel and watch Peter Greenaway films, but those type of flicks make my head hurt.
  • I enjoy watching costumed adventurers punch one another, and also cartoons.
  • Martin Scorsese would be appalled.
  • Werner Herzog would not be, but only because Disney has paid him a great deal of money to appear in The Mandalorian as “Werner Herzog (in space).”
  • There has been much mirth made at this casting, but I say it was inevitable once Forest Whitaker was in Rogue One.
  • Herzog follows Whitaker like summer follows spring.
  • Mark my words: Tom Waits is gonna be in one of these things real soon.
  • Anyway, it’s Lone Wolf and Cub feat. Boba Fett (in space).
  • The first episode does, though, pull a neat trick by making you think it’s gonna be Yojimbo (in space) up until the very last shots.
  • And Boba Fett is not Boba Fett.
  • Boba Fett was from Mandalore, and he wore the ancient magic armor of his people, who were all bounty hunters because whatever a character was in the movies, his whole race was in the Expanded Universe.
  • Remember the Bothans that died stealing the plans to the Death Star?
  • In the EU, the Bothan species was known glalaxy-wide for treachery and subterfuge.
  • Or the Gamorrean guards at Jabba’s palace?
  • The ones that looked like evil Inspector McGruffs?
  • Well, it turns out their entire culture is based around fighting and violence and shit, in the EU at least.
  • And I mention the Expanded Universe of Star Wars because that’s where all of this “Mandalorian” bullshit came from.
  • The first mention of any backstory for Boba Fett was in the comic book.
  • Y’know what else was in the comic book?

  • That’s a fucking rabbit.
  • Look how angry Tobacco the Space Monkey is that he has to team up with a fucking rabbit.
  • And look how sad the caped wolfman is.
  • No one is thrilled with this arrangement, Jaxxon.
  • (The rabbit’s name is Jaxxon, and I knew that without looking it up, and I am both proud and not of that.)
  • The word “Mandalorian” does not appear in the films; hell, Boba Fett didn’t even have a name until the second time he showed up.
  • Stand there and look cool.
  • Boba Fett was a design, not a character.
  • What character there was was that of rank bitchery.
  • First, he needs Darth Vader standing next to him in order to capture our beloved Star Warriors.
  • Which is cheating.
  • I could’ve done that.
  • Then, he is eaten by a carnivorous sand-rectum.
  • Bitch moves, the both of them.
  • It is in Bob’s blood.
  • Jango Fett was also a filthy little bitch.
  • Left his incriminating bullshit out on the table for random Jedis to see.
  • Bitch move.
  • Failed to murder a virtually-undefended woman.
  • The stink of bitch!
  • Gets his head lopped off IMMEDIATELY upon entering a fight?
  • F-E-T-T, that spells “bitch.”
  • But–as I mentioned–he looked cool.
  • He was like Space Fonzie.
  • And the books and comics sold better when he was on the cover, so he garnered elaborate backstories, side quests, and possible futures.
  • But this Mandalorian is not Boba, as he proved in the initial episode by not being completely incompetent.
  • At no point did our anti-hero get eaten by a giant butthole in the desert.
  • Which is not to say that the sarlaac incident was not alluded to.
  • More than 50% of the shots in The Mandalorian are recreations of, or references to, shots from the Original Trilogy.
  • Landspeeder skimming along.
  • Vaguely Arabic architecture.
  • Gonk droid.
  • It’s all connected, man.
  • And yet unlike the clumsy fan service of Rogue One and Solo, I did not hate these callbacks.
  • I didn’t hate any of it, actually.
  • Rogue One made me so angry I adopted a dachshund, let it bond with me, and then abandoned it on the side of the road.
  • One mustn’t let anger fester.
  • But The Mandalorian did not infuriate me, even when it got batshit insane at the end.
  • Spoilers.
  • Oh, God, the guy from Swingers has saved Star Wars.

2 Comments

  1. 1. All you have to do is type the words “Tobacco the Space Monkey” and you will have started my day with a broad and guileless smile of joy, and perhaps an involuntary clap of glee.

    2. I do love Peter Greenaway movies, though.

    3. Not so much Marvel ones.

    4. But still, this . . . .

    https://jericsmith.com/2010/09/28/little-movies-make-me-mad/

Leave a Reply