Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

TotD’s Tips On Writing

  • The more semi-colons you use, the smarter people’ll think you are.
  • There’s no such thing as constructive criticism; treat anything other than a rave review as a personal attack.
  • Are you Hunter Thompson? No? Then stop capitalizing random shit.
  • Are you Latino? No? Then stop it with the Magical Realism.
  • There’s gonna be folks who tell you to knock if off with the adverbs, and you must assiduously ignore them.
  • Kill your darlings.
  • Kill the Darlings. (And do it right in front of Peter Pan, too. Make that fucker suffer.)
  • The best way to write a Young Adult novel is to commit suicide right before you start the first draft.
  • Here’s how it works: “This is the sentence I’m saying,” said Jimmy. No en-dashes, no single quote marks, no fucking around. You’re not Cormac McCarthy or an Irishman from the ’20’s.
  • Readers love fuck scenes; throw a bunch in.
  • A lot of what we call “writing” is actually just “drinking and typing.”
  • Consider quitting.
  • The quickest way to let your readers know you’re a persnickety fuckwit is to treat the word “data” as a plural.
  • Seriously: more fuck scenes.


  1. Last night I dreamt I went to TotD again.

  2. Are you gonna write some Scenes like this.

    “When Bobby met, Natasha”

    “While Keith was sleeping”

    “The drummer waited in the Lobby”

    “I put my ring in my pocket and pressed the button to call the elevator”

    “Teenage boy shares tips on sharing room with old beatnik”

    “Here comes Sunshine”

    • The former Mets pitcher/current tv guy?

    • NoThoughtsOnDead

      April 11, 2019 at 4:27 pm

      “The Darlings” are The Dillards, and I was a big fan for a long time. I still like the records, but the last time I saw them, Rodney (playing guitar here) went on a small rant about “y’all like the Second Amendment!” I thought, what’s wrong with the other nine, that you don’t mention them? And that’s the last time I’m going to see them.

  3. Avoid cliches. Avoid them like the plague.

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