Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Upcoming Presidential Pardons

  • Paul Manafort.
  • Big Steve Bannon.
  • Most, but not all, of Big Steve Bannon’s shirts.
  • Rod Blagojevich. (Ruled illegal as the former Governor’s name was spelled four different ways within the space of 800 words.)
  • Roger Stone.
  • Oliver Stone.
  • Stone Phillips.
  • Magneto. (“Did nothing wrong, and Adelson really wants it. Shelly’s big on Magneto.”)
  • Kodak Black. (“Did nothing wrong, and Kim Kardashian really wants it. She knows blacks! Kim might know blacks better than blacks know blacks. So when Kim says, ‘Mr. President, please set Kodak Black free because he’s the best type of black,’ then I listen. Kim’s a killer, real killer. Knows blacks!”)
  • The Noid.
  • Bernhard Goetz.
  • Edward Snowden.
  • Albino Whatshisname. (While President Trump’s aides were fairly certain that he was here referring to Julian Assange, they also prepared letters of clemency for Edgar and Johnny Winter.)
  • Cosby.
  • Hillary Clinton. (Trick pardon! Written in invisible ink under the pardon is a full confession of Hillary’s many, many crimes, and so when she signs it: WE GOT HER! Hillary has yet to call back, but when she does: BOOM. It’s a good plan.)
  • The ronus.
  • Brundlefly.
  • All of his children except Junior. (“I’m gonna let Don Junior sweat a little. Just a little. Funny.”)
  • Joe Exotic.

2 Comments

  1. Luther Von Baconson

    “I said, ‘Pardon?’”
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=n_bBNprzoLg

  2. dj5000000

    No. Do not pardon The Noid.

    No.

    No.

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