- Liberals.
- Planned Parenthood.
- The media.
- Mexicans.
- Immigrants who are not technically Mexicans, but may as well be.
- Nicaraguans or whatever.
- Scientists.
- The terrorists.
- Obama.
- The homosexuals.
- Homosexual terrorist Obama.
- When he manages to get the cocks out of his mouth, he blows up Cinnabuns: Barack Hussein Obama, Homosexual Terrorist.
- Criminals.
- Thugs.
- Certain protesters.
- Community organizers.
- …
- Black people?
- Excuse me, how dare you?
- I never explicitly said that, and for you to infer it from my well-chosen words is an insult.
- One of our best candidates is black!
Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To
Month: September 2015 (Page 6 of 14)
- Man, there’s a lot of white folks here.
- I went to Yale, too; what year were you?
- Hillary? No, thank you.
- Jake Tapper’s an unbearable, preening dipshit.
- Louder!
- God, I wanna do a line right now.
- I’m exhausted; how much longer is this?
- No head, no backstage pass.
Hey, Brent.
“I feel weird.”
You’re an anteater.
“Anteaters aren’t real animals. They’re like unicorns.”
No. They are real. And, apparently, you are one at present.
“I don’t think so.”
What’d you have for breakfast?
“Ants.”
Lunch?
“Ants.”
Any plans for dinner?
“I could totally go for some ants.”
Yeah: you’re an anteater, Brent.
“Oh.”
…
“Do anteaters get blowjobs?”
Tonguejobs, more like.
“I’m gonna go rustle up one of those.”
Report back.
- Arnold, obviously.
- Henry Kissinger.
- If you’re doing Shakespeare or something, you can fly in a few limeys, I suppose.
- The one from that TV show with the big tits, married to Al Bundy.
- Any good-looking Spanish chick with big tits, now that I think about it.
- Charo.
- Pope can visit if he knocks it off with the climate change bullshit and just yells at the homos like the last one.
- Canadians are fine as long as they’re upfront about it.
- No matter where you’re from, you will be welcomed with open arms if you’re a billionaire.
- A billionaire is one of the good ones.
- A credit to his people.
- Germans may come to America if they know how to build rockets.
Proposed Alternatives to Planned Parenthood, according to the GOP:
- Stop being such whores.
- Don’t worry your pretty little head about it.
- Have you prayed?
- Were you praying to Jesus or some foreign god?
- Y’know what: lemme talk to your husband or father.
Things I am not paying attention to this evening:
- Phil and Friends.
- GOP debate.
Things I am paying attention to:
- My own genius (which has been officially recognized, so I’m not just being egotistical.)
- 3/18/71.
The 1stBank Center? How glamorous!
The Bridgestone Arena? The Bridgestone Arena?
We live in a mall, now, and it’s not been forced upon us in any way. This is how we wanted it.
Also, the mall opens an hour earlier for Cardholders®.
Phil and Friends, one of whom is Chris Robinson, are playing in Central Park at 5 PM Normal Human Time.
I’ll be running around, but there’s sure to be a feed; perhaps someone could link to it in the comments.
My friend Ricky Gross from high school had a Dead jean jacket, and on the back was a full-color, hand-painted, bug-eyed Skeleton Man Playing Violin.
Why was Ricky Gross’ Dead jean jacket better than an actual Grateful Dead’s Dead jean jacket?
(Ricky Gross was also notable for being The Kid That Masturbated In Class That One Time and The First One From Our Class To Die (MGD, Nissan.).)
Dammit, Bobby, knock it off with the prayer hands.
“No, not prayer hands. I am discovering a different bliss.”
Please don’t stage dive.
“They will bear me aloft on a litter of ticklefingers”
They won’t. Also: ew.
“I think the Deadheads would catch me if I stage dove.”
They would want to. After the fact, they would all feel bad that they didn’t. But half of them are way too high to react quickly enough, and the other half are your age.
“Ah.”
What would happen if someone stage dived onto you?
“I would most likely shatter.”
Right.
“Okay, so none of that, but I still want to get closer to the fans, y’know?”
How about some small, late-night shows? Real intimate?
“That’s a good idea.”
And charge suckers a couple grand apiece to get in.
“That’s a great idea.”
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