Need-To-Know Basis

Hey, Nephew on the Dead! Long time, no see. Whatcha doing?

“Having a blast. Just enjoying everything life throws at me. I literally scream with joy several times a day.”

Nice to be a baby.

“Nothing’s gone wrong so far. I fell a couple times when I was learning to walk, but that’s the depths. I mean, look how I’m allowed to dress.”

There’s a lot going on there, Nephew.

“And yet I’m complimented everywhere I go. Hey, question.”

That’s what uncles are for.

“And I want the truth on this one, cuz The Guy and The Lady have been, like, whispering and tense about stuff around me lately.”

I will always tell you the truth, unless I need to borrow money.

“Cool. Here goes: What the fuck is going on?”

Pandemic.

“Uh-huh. What’s that?”

It’s a long story.

“I got nothing to do. No one’s time is more unscheduled than mine right now.”

Okay. There’s a new disease.

“What’s a disease?”

Oh, I don’t wanna tell you about any of this. It’s all so depressing and you don’t need to know it.

“Dude, I’m old enough.”

Still pooping in your pants?

“There’s other options?”

Yeah, you’re an innocent little baby and I don’t wanna tell you what’s going on. Just know that you’ve gotta hang out in the house with The Guy and The Lady for a while.

“No problem. I love hanging out with The Guy and The Lady. They’re probably my best friends.”

Probably?

“Might be Zebra.”

Is Zebra your stuffed zebra?

“Yeah. Me and Zebra are tight.”

Cool. Does that gun shoot bubbles?

“Like you wouldn’t believe. Uncle?”

Mm-hmm?

“Have I been born into an age of miracles?”

Kinda yes, and also kinda no. It’s complicated.

“Good to hear. I’m gonna shoot some bubbles, and then chase after the bubbles swatting clumsily at them, and then stare at a piece of wood for five minutes. And I’m gonna giggle angelically throughout the sequence.”

God bless you, Nephew on the Dead.

“Back atcha. You sure you don’t wanna tell what this pandemic thing is?”

I am quite positive.

“All right then.”