Rocking (One Small, But Rather Self-Impressed Section Of) The World

http://dai.ly/x67s85h

Big Internet is going to need to be split up soon enough–Ma Bell–had this fight with the Feds in the 70’s–and when the break comes, YouTube needs to be declared a monopoly and all these dinky doodad video sites crushed viciously by the hand of justice. What is a DailyMotion, and why would you involve me with your uncouthery? Have you been banned from YouTube, Guy who posted on DailyMotion? How the fuck does one even do that, Guy? Are you protesting censorship or whatever? Many on the internet enjoy protesting about censorship, Guy, and I’m certain there’s some beef going on over at YouTube. Was that it?

How long is that going to go on?

I just wanted the paragraph to be long enough.

But it was the first paragraph. 

Right. The warm-up paragraph.

Why did you require a certain length?

So it would be easy to click on and everyone should click on it immediately.

Why would anyone need to click on anything?

…

Dude, you’re not gonna believe this: I did not check whether I could embed the dailymotion video. Used to be that I couldn’t embed their videos.

They changed it.

They did. Good work, computer people!

And you’re just going to leave all of this bullshit you wrote before you knew what was happening?

(EDIT: APPARENTLY, THEY DID NOT FIX THE PROBLEM. HERE’S THE LINK AGAIN.]

Yeah. And: at this point, you’re the problem. I declare it so. My next sentence will be about Queen and the video above and Rock Stardom in the 70’s and whatnot, unless you interrupt me. You’re the impediment as of…right now.

…

Well done. This was the ’77 tour: 25 shows in six weeks in November and December. Maine to California, I-95 South and then make a right onto I-10.

NO. Wait. 

What?

Tell me this isn’t going to turn into another Thoughts on Queen. We did that. It’s done with. Don’t look back, young artist.

I promise I’ll keep my remarks germane to the topic of the video, and the video solely. I’ll even do bullet points.

I’m watching you.

Gotcha.

• Watch the film: it’s under an hour, and sounds and looks spiffy; there’s sound checks in hockey arenas, and the drummer is drinking, and everyone is dating themselves with each gesture and choice; even if you don’t enjoy Queen’s music, there’s a delight in revisiting a time when BBC reporters were allowed to conduct on-camera interviews with an open beer in their hands.
• He had a tinner o’ ale, he did.
• One must always remember when regarding Queen: they were an exceedingly British band.
• A chav, two guys who liked to fiddle in their sheds, and Oscar Wilde.
• Who hate each other.
• Go.
• Watch.
• They fucking haaaaaate each other, at least they do for the twenty minutes they were interviewed while sitting on mismatched chairs.
• I can’t get into absolutes, man.
• Maybe before and after that interview, they were best mates and went down the pub and oppressed the Irish–you know, however the British show affection–but for this slice of time, they were rancorous.
• How Would the Members of Queen do Against the Rancor from Return of the Jedi?
  • Roger Taylor: immediately eaten.
  • John Deacon: much quicker than he looks. Evades the beast for a good minute, but then he cornered himself and the Rancor ate him.
  • Brian May: constructs a death ray out of bones and the control panel he pries off the wall, but decides against killing the Rancor because it reminded him of a badger. Instead, blasts the holding door off of the cell and shouted “Freedom” at the creature, who ran through and ended up eating dozens of people, Brian amongst them.
  • Freddie Mercury: never fed to the Rancor, as he has seduced the Rancor-keeper, escaped foul Jabba’s Palace, and made it to Mos Eisley.
• It was 1977, and there was a spectre hanging over Rock and Roll; its name was punk.
• Punk!
• It was the Next Big Thing.
• Move over, you dinosaurs: we are smelly and authentic.
• I wear clothes, while you wear a costume, Granddad.
• Enough with your symphonies.
• We stole our guitars.
• Punk!
• In fact, the punkiest punks of all, the Sex Pistols, were recording the tracks to what would become Never Mind the Bollocks in the studio next door to where Queen are recording their News of the World.
• As legend goes, Sid Vicious harangued Freddie one morning,
• “Oi ‘ear you’re the one what’s g’nna bring ballet back to th’ masses?”
• So Freddie spread his neck-flap and spit acid in Sid’s eyes and mouth.
• He almost went blind.
• It’s a great Rock and Roll story.
• Anyway, the big bands all punked it up–kinda, sorta, limply–on one or two songs on the album just as they would adopt reggae on the next several records.
• Queen tried playing punk songs, but it is next to impossible to do so while your lead singer is wearing a spangled leotard.
• Undercuts the theme.
• Rock and Roll touring is the single least efficient way of making money created by man.
• It would be much easier if the fans came to the band.
• Unless the band hid.
• Then, it would be harder.
• You said you wouldn’t be weird!
• Don’t exclamate at me, muchacho.
• Get on with it.
• We must forgive the British.
• For all their world-meddling, and colonializing, and disastrously districting, and people-stealing throughout the years, they have a delightful accent that is never wielded more skillfully than by the Rock Doc favorite: the exasperated road manager.
• “There’s no point in saying ‘We Will Rock You’ at the end of the show. We’ve already rocked them.”
• That sounds better in a British accent.
• It is 1977 and the Rock and Roll touring road has been laid, but is not old enough to have grown luxurious: the backstages are bare concrete and plastic folding chairs.
• John Mayer has an immense tent full of his toys and rugs and couches.
• John Mayer would not put up with 1977’s bullshit.
• John Meyer needs to speak to whoever is in charge around here and get Irving Azoff on the phone.
• Did Queen ever trip?
• At one point in the film, Freddie says something about acid; did Queen trip?
• While all of them enjoyed the popular drugs of the moment, none of them were disgusting dopemonsters recklessly shoveling shit into themselves.
• But they were hippie-adjacent as youths, and thus exposed to the LSD propaganda.
• I believe Queen tripped.
  • John Deacon sat quietly and played you records; he had a wonderful collection of records. For a while, he wandered in the back garden, but then he came back in. Drank some juice.
  • Brian May wouldn’t shut the fuck up about stars and whatever for ten hours.
  • Roger Taylor maybe got everyone arrested. Roger Taylor is the member of the tripping party that, if unchecked, will get the entire group arrested. He can’t be given any sort of leadership status.
  • Tripping with Freddie Mercury would be like making love to an angel. You know it, I know it, leave it alone. What else could that be like?
• If you don’t watch this video, then you can’t see Freddie’s robe and that would be a shame.
• Watch.