Hey, Bobby. Nice baby.

“Oh, yeah. Right shape, proper size.”

Is that your baby?

“Pretty sure it’s not. I’ve had them.”

Sure.

“Well, you know: I didn’t have them. My wife–”

Natasha Monster.

“–did all the actual ‘having.'”

What did you do while that was going on?

“No idea. See, Natasha had chosen the natural childbirth.”

Okay.

“But I was high as a kite. Waste not, want not: that goes for epidurals. Might have snuck out to Sweetwater for a cocktail or two while she wasn’t looking.”

It’s a lot longer of a process than teevee would have you believe.

“Hours, man. But, uh, I’m pretty sure that all happened years ago. So I got no clue who this is. But, you know, he won’t stop screaming and he just shit his pants, so I got a hunch who it is.”

It’s not Billy.

“I retract my hunch.”