Snowbort

That’s the biggest band-aid I’ve ever seen, David Lemieux.

“It’s a snowboard.”

Oh, good. Because any injury that requires a band-aid that large is an injury that requires more than a band-aid.

“Not a band-aid.”

Do you snowboard?

“Oh, no. Canadians have the ability to run on top of the snow. Kinda like a basilisk lizard on water.”

Like this?

“Yeah, just like that.”

Wow. You are a fascinating people.

“That’s how Gordon Lightfoot got his name.”

I’m learning so much. Dave–

“David.”

–I’m listening to the new Pick from ’76 for the third or fourth time, and it’s superb. Good work, man.

“1976 is a sleeper year. Big thick slow jams.”

Like maple syrup.

“Y’know, it’s kind of enough with the Canadian jokes. I have a personality outside of my nationality.”

Oh, hey, I’m sorry.

“I’ve got hobbies.”

Like?

“Socialism, cross-checking, that sort of thing.”

Universal topics.

“There you go.”

Getting back to DaP 28: it’s spectacular. And it’s just the lastest in a long line of wonderful releases. Bravo.

“Thanks, man. Means a lot to hear that.”

Pardon the pun, but I’m grateful.

“I see what you did there, eh?”

And to show my gratitude, I have decided that you can do gay stuff to me.

“What now?”

Gay stuff. And don’t hold back! Don’t make the stuff just sort of gay. Do the gayest stuff you can imagine to me. Fuck me, fist me, describe me as a “confirmed bachelor” in my obituary: gay it up, bro.

“I’m gonna pass.”

Is it that you’d rather receive the homosexuality than issue it?

“You have such an unpleasant way with the English language.”

I’ll mount you if that’s what you want.

“Passing on that, too.”

Is it the dominance thing? If you’d like, we can hand each other. That way, we’re equal.

“None of it. Don’t get anywhere near me. You really want to show your appreciation for the official releases?”

I absolutely do.

“Have you considered paying for them?”

Unnecessary.

“Sorry.”