Things TotD Can Tell You About Montana Without Looking At Wikipedia (Or Any Other Site):
- Its capital is Helena.
- The left part of the state nestles into Idaho in a sexual way.
- Named “Montana” because of all the mountains.
- Joe Montana is not from there.
- Neither is Joe Mantegna.
- There are Black Hills.
- Custer? Was that Montana?
- Sam Neill’s character from The Hunt for Red October never got his dream, which was to move to Montana.
- He was never going to get there, honestly. The second he started telling Sean Connery his dreams and hopes, everyone in the theater knew he was a goner.
- If you’re in the kind of movie where people die, don’t tell people your plans.
- Or cough. If you cough in a movie, you die.
- Cold as shit and a million miles away from anything.
- And because of that, for a while there was no speed limit on their highways: it just said “Reasonable and Prudent.”
- The federal government, however, was having none of Montana’s foolishness and threatened to take away all their road money, so they put up a couple “80 mph” signs, but there’s really no speed limit between Helena and Livingston.
- Montana grows more dental floss than any other state.
- Not as scenic as Idaho, but not as infested with White Supremacists, so that’s a draw.
- Has never hosted a World Cup.
- Nor a Papal visit.
- The Dead played there once on May
1514, 1974 with the mighty Wall of Sound. The fine show, with its huge Dark Star>Morning DewChina Doll can be heard in all its glory on Dave’s Picks 9. - While it was in-state, the Wall was the fourth largest city in Montana.
- There will be no riots in Montana, mostly because there aren’t enough people to classify as a riot. The largest outbreak of violence possible is a bar fight.
- It and California somehow have the same amount of power in the Senate. Thanks, Founding Fathers, you short-sighted, slave-owning fuckwits.
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