Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To
“Hold the poster up.”
“Like this, Billy?”
“Higher.”
“Here?”
“Lower.”
“Here?”
“Wider.”
“What.”
“That’s good. Right there. Hold it.”
SHWOKKATHOOM
“My dick!”
“Should’ve seen it coming, Benjy.”
“Stop calling me that! I’m not Benjy!”
“And you never will be.”
A reminder for those in the Bay Area this weekend: guard your dicks.
Those in Kauai may leave their dicks undefended, and–if they so choose–pull their goalies to give them an extra offensive player.
Idea for Dead & Company: invite Oteil out for lunch and break the news that he won’t be playing on the tour, softening the blow with a large buy-out check; then have Planchette the Psychopathic Intern burn “You’re Not A Grateful Dead Anymore, Douche” into John Mayer’s lawn with gasoline.
Billy and the Kids plus Bobby and Jeff Chimenti and Mickey comes up for Drums.
BOOM. Done. You’re welcome.
These last bunch of shots have been from the Lock’n Festival currently being inflicted on a field in Virginia; Bobby is playing with Billy and the Kids as we speak.
Below is a shot of Bobby, Billy, and the Kids working out an arrangement or two before the show. Fun fact: this is more rehearsal than was done for the Dead50 shows.
Also, Buckethead’s brother, Jiffy-Pop Head, is playing guitar.
Hey, Billy.
“ASS!” How you, man!?”
Good. You look happy.
“Fun, man. Show wasn’t supposed to happen, and then it does; place fills up, and these are some good kids I got playing, man.”
They’re motherfuckers.
“After I’ve had my turn, yeah.”
Ew. Anyway: great show. Gonna go party?”
“Yeah. Just one thing first. Hey, Benj!”
“Yeah, Bill?”
ShhhhhhhhSHA-SWUMP.
Plop.
…
Did you just cut Benjy’s head off with a samurai sword?
“Called a Katana.”
He worked so hard!
“Gotta keep him humble.”
Makes sense.
“Who’s got the beer!?”
Popper left the stage for a while; he just came out for the Hard to Handle>Foolish Heart–
That’s not a thing; stop saying it like it’s a thing.
–but this is him and Kids from before the second set started going sideways. Uncle John’s Band does not need an extended conga solo, because it exists, and nothing that exists needs an extended conga solo.
Annnnd we’re into NFA and if the past five decades are a guide, this is the end of the set. If any of the living Deads wanted to be funny, they could open up a show with Not Fade Away and then the crowd would leave, but the check would still be good. (I cannot believe Billy has not tried this yet.)
Question: does Billy still get paid for the cancelled Lock’n show? Because if he does, then he’s a good bottle of wine and a sloppy blowjob from bowling 300 tonight. A good rule of thumb is to always get paid twice for doing something once.
John Popper is back, making sounds that are giving me Post-Traumatic Freshman Year Disorder.
Just in case any Enthusiasts are just joining us, or are just joining us again after getting too stoned and forgetting what was happening, Billy and the Kids are playing an emergency, last-minute show at a smallish theatre called The Jefferson, which is right down the street from whatever fallow field Lock’n is held in.
Our highlights so far:
This is what it looks like from backstage:
Space isn’t borne out of Drums, it just comes after.
You don’t have to, is all. You could just go into a tune; Obama hasn’t banned that, yet.
Is there any way Dead & Company can sound like this, and not, you know, bad?
Also–and this is a left-field kinda thing–what if Beyoncé was in the band?
There would be many benefits to Beyoncé joining Dead & Company: the publicity alone would make it worth it. Beyoncé also insists that the musicians she hires (Beyoncé would begin treating the Dead as her back-up band from the first phone call) rehearse, so that would be good for everyone. Jay-Z would also do a guest verse, and that would go entertainingly.
In related news: GODDAMMIT. Popper.
In semi-related news:
I GOT EYES AND EARS EVERYWHERE, CHICKENSUCKERS.
Nice thing about an AUD is that you can tell when the drugs have kicked in; they appear to, judging from the enthusiasm.
Also: if you can find me evidence of a show Billy played this summer without that red hat, I’ll give you a shiny quarter. (Is one of Benjy’s responsibility maintenance of Billy’s Special Red Hat?)
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