Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Tag: bob weir (Page 42 of 198)

Picture A Bright White Ball Just Spinning, Spinning Free

Bobby?

“I sensed the camera.”

And now you’re glaring into it.

“Bobby Picture Pose #1.”

It’s a classic. You’ve got, like, a Spidey-Sense.

“I smell them with my mind’s nose.”

I’m gonna pretend like that wasn’t an insane thing to say and move on. Great show last night, buddy.

“Didn’t fall apart too bad.”

Bobby, one question.

“About five inches long and seven inches around.”

I’m not asking about Billy’s dick.

“Ah.”

Who’s idea was it to play Fire on the Mountain at the benefit for people who lost their homes to fires on mountains?

“Three guesses.”

Is his dick five inches long and seven inches around.

“Not as dumb as you look.”

That would be almost impossible.

“Yeah, uh, Billy thought it would be funny.”

It was a little funny.

“Yeah, a little.”

Bobby, Bonds

Hey, Bobby. Whatcha doing?

“You see the size of this sumbitch?”

Barry Bonds is a big guy.

“I’ve, uh, played venues smaller than his skull.”

Enormous fellow.

“Jeff, you seeing this?”

“I am, Bob. This fucker’s gigantic.”

“Oh, hey. I, uh, didn’t ask. How’s that Broadway musical going?’

“It went.”

“That quick?”

“Yup.”

“Check clear?”

“It did.”

“All right, then.”

Side, Man

Ma’am?

“Uh, yeah?”

Oh, hey. Bobby. Sorry. In my defense, you looked like a girl until ’72 or so.

“I’d argue with that, but it worked for me.”

What is this? ’67?

“Well, I don’t have my beard so it could be ’67. Or maybe 2002.”

Is Garcia alive?

“Lemme check.”

LOOKING FOR GARCIA NOISE

“Yeah, there he is.”

I guess it’s not 2002.

“Don’t be so quick. Twin Towers standing?”

The Twin Towers would not have been standing in either 2002 or 1967.

“Oh, no. Did the terrorists–”

The terrorists didn’t get hold of a Time Sheath.

“–get hold of…okay, good. I was worried.”

I mean, Miles Davis has one but he’s not technically a terrorist.

“And Billy.”

True.

“Lemme, uh, ask you a question, okay?”

Sure.

“You got a point to this post or are we just bantering pointlessly?”

The second thing.

“Ah.”

Go steal Billy’s hat.

“Nuh-uh.”

Good choice.

The Main Hang Ten

Hey, Bobby. Whatcha doing?

“Rando time. Gotta get it in, or you get out of practice. Then, you know, you go back on tour and you got no idea how to handle ’em.”

Just pretend to be nice.

“You have no idea how much work that takes.”

True. Hey, today is a special anniversary.

“Ah, dammit. My wife–”

Natasha Monster.

“–is gonna kill me.”

Not your anniversary, Bobby.

“Oh, good.”

On this date in 1984 was the very first official Taper’s Section.

“Ah. Huh, yeah. Portentous day. Went much better than the previous evening.”

What happened?

“Well, uh, we tried to introduce the Taper’s Section. But somebody made a typing error on the memo and things turned out poorly for everyone.”

How bad could a type be?

“Raper’s Section.”

Wow.

“The situation got out of hand almost immediately.”

Sure.

“And, you know, just because you have a Raper’s Section doesn’t mean the rapers are gonna stay there. Those folks don’t follow rules.”

They do not, no.

“Had to send the crew up there with some pool cues.”

Very few problems a large man with a pool cue can’t solve.

“That’s what I’ve come to find out, yeah. Anyway, the next night everything was spelled right and, you know, a tradition was born.”

Bobby, God bless ya, but that’s a terrible story.

“That’s why I never told it to you before.”

Good point.

Oral Histories I Will Not Be Reading

  • The truly fascinating story behind David S. Pumpkins.
  • The 1987 NFL strike from the scabs’ perspective.
  • How the P’zone got its name.
  • 20,000 words on Justin Bieber’s new tattoo, including a rare interview with Scooter Braun.
  • Inky, Blinky, Pinky, and Lies: The True Story Behind Ms. Pac-Man.
  • That time Randy Johnson made that seagull explode.
  • What If Urkel Was Cool? The Birth, Life, And Death of Stefan Urquelle.
  • The Pet Rock story.
  • Those couple years that Elvis Costello looked like a hasidic werewolf.
  • Midnite In The Garden Of Good And Bobby: The Complete Oral History Of Bobby & The Midnites.
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