Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Tag: days between

A Quick One While I’m Around

There’s nothing inherently wicked about the Days Between, I suppose. They have utility for the maudlin or the merchant. I choose not to participate, as the ordering of the Days–birth on the 1st, death on the 9th–remind me of a condemned man’s countdown. I do not begrudge their observation.

But this recent rebranding of the Days Between to the Daze Between (or #dazebetween) can get fucked by a Peterbilt in 10th gear. Some quarterwit switched “Days” to “Daze” because HERP HERP HERP Deadheads sure do like their reefers and tootski and jimmyjammers HERP HERP. The humor falls like the rains in Florida: suddenly and with power. And, hey: Wasn’t Garcia a pinprick-pupil’ed drooler when he kicked off? That makes it even funnier! Daze! Get it?

We get it, muchacho. Now get it out of here.

A Formal And Last Statement On The Days Between

TotD will not be acknowledging the so-called “Days Between.” They are an arbitrary and money-minded conceit dreamed up by some record company asshole to sell tee-shirts and CD’s and tickets to tribute concerts; the “Days Between” are as organic as National Pancake Day on Twitter and as depressing as the rest of Twitter.

Let them mourn into their megaphones, and cry behind their cash registers. We are too busy, Enthusiasts, and have forgotten about the time.

Why Is This Week Different Than Any Other Week?

No one knows the exact year the Days Between began, but we do know the story: the Grateful Dead were surrounded by Roman soldiers, or maybe Greeks possibly. Under siege, the Dead believed that they only had enough Garcia to last for one day, but the Garcia lasted for eight days and nights, which is why we–

No.

For only a week in August, Sirius-B (the Dog Star) becomes visible in the northern hemisphere. Also in August are the Perseid meteor shower. Garcia, being a keen amateur astronomer, noticed that the “days between” these events were fraught with weirdness and wonder, so he–

No.

Garcia’s rap name was Daze B. Tween, and–

Stop that.

A few years ago, the lawyer for the Garcia estate–in conjunction with whichever wife got veto power in the will–figured out a clever way to sell a few more t-shirts.

There you go.

You think the guy who came up with this Days Between foolishness also came up with the phrase “the Core Four”?

I guaran-fucking-tee it.

Silly Symphony

I never understood–to the point of immediate dismissal–the rock band/orchestra mash-up. And remember, my musical tastes matured during the period when you simply weren’t a super-group unless you had been backed up by a bunch of unemployed Julliard grads conducted by Michael Kamen. (It was always Michael Kamen.)

The Dead only did this sort of thing once: first and poorly as usual. They jammed or something with the Buffalo Symphony Orchestra in 1970, but as far as I can tell (there is neither recording nor set list,) the extent of the thing was the Dead getting oboists stoned and hitting on flautists and Mickey inviting the timpanists up; the whole thing smells like Phil’s idea, quite frankly. It was the kind of half-crazed, semi-professional bullshit you were allowed to get up to in 1970 in Buffalo in March.

The problem, of course, being that of chalk and cheese, or the Dead and cash, or Bobby and clowns: symphonies and rock music just don’t go together, proven by the fact that every single time it has ever been attempted, it sounds like shit. It is bananas upon bananas; it goes not to eleven, but to seventeen; it is the soundtrack of a fifteen-year old boy who’s really into gaming playing with himself.

The whole thing is so overwrought, always, because: dammit, we paid for a brass section, so let’s hear the trumpets. The arrangements are always these MASSIVE sub-Wagner heavy metal classical German stuff with every possible note involved. (This was a popular style called UndDerKitchenSinken.) 

Perhaps the worst stench emanating from the symphony jam was the inferiority complex wafting off the band. There were always jokes about being the savages, etc., but they were never jokes.  It was like watching the comic actor try his hand at drama, or that year Sting thought he could play the lute.

So I might have been guilty of viewing the whole symphony thing with Warren Haynes with a bit of a jaundiced eye.

Now, TotD can understand why everyone involved was involved: for the audience, it sounded like a fun evening out; for the orchestra, it was a nice chunk of cash to fund their season of playing music no one actually enjoys; and for Warren, it was some place to go.

(I honestly believe that Warren Haynes is homeless.)

I just hope all protocols are being followed with Wolf. Warren plays one of Garcia’s old guitars, Wolf, at these shows; the people get to see the object that Garcia actually sweated on.

Are the rituals followed? Are the proper chickens and voles sacrificed  in the proper order and facing the correct direction? Does the man keeping watch over Wolf handle her with the prescribed gloves? After the show, is he sacrificed facing the correct direction? Are menstruating women not allowed in its presence?

If you’re gonna write a liturgy and worship a relic, go all the way: put some pomp in your circumstance.

Holidays Between

Does anyone remember when we were kids and the Days Between weren’t quite so commercial? Before Big Dead turned it into the multi-billion dollar sell-fest it is today? My God, every radio station I listen to is talking about nothing but!

Again, though: you’re being lied to. Much like Christmas is actually a syncretic mutt of Yule and Saturnalia and whatever the Druids called their Winter Solstice Pancake Death Orgy, the Days Between was originally just one of many competing holidays to honor Garcia.

  • The Swayz Between We celebrate Garcia by watching Point Break on a loop.
  • The Ofeys Between We spend the week using derogatory old-timey terms for white people. (e.g., Cracker-ass cracker, peckerwood, Mr. Charlie, pinetop pinky, Topeka dish towel, demon motherfucker from the fourteenth hell that wants to shit in every pure stream on God’s blessed world just for a nickel, and honky.)
  • The Fayes Between Using Time Sheath technology and quite a bit of tequila, Faye Wray and Faye Reagan/Valentine go town on former Major League Baseball commissioner Faye Vincent.
  • The Gays Between Dongs.
  • The Kays Between In honor of Garcia, just this once, you may ask me about my business.
  • The Bidets Between For a week every August, we all pamper our buttholes.
  • The Taze Between To pay tribute to a musician who meant so much to us, Enthusiasts everywhere break into strangers’ homes and taze them repeatedly in front of their children.
  • The Treys Between For the eight days separating the anniversaries of Garcia’s birth and death, Enthusiasts really, truly try to get into Phish. Again.
  • The Rays Between How the fuck do you trade David Price?
  • The Aunt Mays Between We remain a seemingly immortal albatross around Spider-Man’s neck no matter how many times we’re killed off.