Fans of Dead & Co responded positively to this announcement on various social mediums today, and they did so because second-level thinking is a lost art in America. What this says is “There will be no livestreams.”
Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To
Tag: dead & company (Page 26 of 38)
You all think I’m kidding, and that the Red Rocker’s appearance at the Fillmore show was a one-off deal; I’m not, and it wasn’t.
Sammy Hagar is now a Grateful Dead.
Hey, Sammy Hagar. Whatcha doing?
“Getting the party started! WOO!”
Good for you.
“I invented double drinking. I saw Eddie do that two-handed tapping thing, and I figured I could translate that to drinking tequila.”
You chose a beverage and you’re sticking with it.
“And I’m trying to catch up to Billy.”
Oh, no. Do not try to catch up to Billy. People have died.
“Yeah, that’s people, man. I’m the Red Rocker.”
I saw your shirt.
“I gotta get some new ones made up. The Dead Rocker. Sell ’em in my restaurants.”
How many of those do you have?
“Six? Seven? I don’t know, man: I got whatcha call an empire.”
You’re like the dirtbag Jimmy Buffett.
“I’m gonna take that as a compliment.”
It was meant as one.
“Besides…we talking privately here?”
Pretty much.
“I’m using this association to launch a new business. Sammy Hagar is–”
You’re gonna sell pot.
“–getting into the cannabis game. How’d you know?”
It’s 2016. Everyone’s getting into pot. Bubble’s already growing.
“Tell me about it. I gotta move fast.”
Then it’s good you joined the Dead; they’ve always been known for quick decisions and decisive actions.
“It ain’t my old band.”
Less crystal myth.
“Thank fuck for that, man.”
If you care, there is an article between the covers of the Rolling Stone about Dead & Company; we learn two things. One: although this piece is not written by FoTotD David Browne, author of So Many Roads: The Life and Times of the Grateful Dead, it is written by David Fricke. We can therefore deduce that a superfluous “e” is required to write about the Dead for RS. And, two: Bobby wants to go back in the studio, because that’s where the Dead shines.
Oteil posted this picture, with its tantalizing hashtag, this afternoon. Any speculation would be based in imagination and conjecture, but I think I can pull some stuff out of my ass.
Why Is Oteil Having Makeup Applied?
- Has recently begun dating Khloe Kardashian (he is her type) and now his days start with professional hair and makeup.
- Having replaced the bassist in the Allman Brothers, and then the Dead, Oteil is now in KISS.
- This is actually the very end of a daily, four-hour prosthetic application, as Oteil Burbridge was–tragically–born without a face. (The condition is called Achondroprosoponia and he is a hero.)
- Reviving his acting career:
- (I bet Oteil hasn’t called anyone a “honky” in a while, but he should; it’s a wonderful and silly-sounding word. Plus, it’s the least effective slur in the language: slurs are supposed to hurt someone’s feelings and “honky” does not; it might actually cheer people up to be called that. Part of this is obviously due to power imbalances and all that fun stuff, but a lot of it is the word. It’s too friendly sounding; if you had a buddy named Honky, he would be a real decent guy.)
- Was hanging out with Billy and “walked into another doorknob.”
- Is playing Nina Simone in the upcoming biopic; no one is happy about it.
- Has been added to the new 22-hour Dead documentary, and filmed a 45-minute interview about how different barbecue sauce was from state to state; it made the final cut of the picture without any edits.
- Sometimes Oteil just wants to feel pretty, and maybe you should get off his dick about it.
AAAHHHHHH!
What? They’re hippies.
…
We’re still doing that?
Always.
Saudis are right. Burkas are the answer.
You want to put women in burkas?
I want to put everyone in burkas. People are gross and they should wear sheets over themselves at all times.
What about Australian fitness models on Instagram?
They don’t have to wear burkas.
Ah.
As usual, Annabelle’s eye was just about the best in the room, plus she keeps in mind one of the rules of photo composition: if at all possible, let Jeff Chimenti show his power.
Benjy’s in the house, Sammy’s in the band, and my Instagram is nothing but Dead bullshit. Also, Australian fitness models, but that’s only because I can’t figure out how to unfollow them.
Also: just to show there were no hard feelings, Billy murdered Benjy after the show. Used a bow and arrow.
- Oteil is awesome. He is positive and enthusiastic and grateful and everything other quality that I admire, but lack personally. He also plays bass quite well.
- It’s crooked. This is a straight-on shot–the others were all angled–and there can be no denying that the O-hawk is crooked.
- Mickey and Billy have accepted Oteil as their Padawan in the ancient art of free t-shirt-wearin’. To be a true Grateful Dead, one must be able to clothe oneself strictly from the merch truck.
- Oteil takes his glasses off for pictures, and that is adorable, and now I like him more.
React in any way you wish; it is a fact.
Also: listen to Bostrowsky, Shakedown420. He is wise.
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