Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Tag: dead & company (Page 28 of 38)

Live (On Tape) Dead

Dead & Company are on the Kimmel show tonight, if you’re interested. Not only are they promoting their upcoming tour, but also the movie project they are working on, in which the band splits into two teams and punches one another. (Josh Meyers has been wearing his Iron Man outfit for weeks and won’t take it off, no matter how many fridge magnets Billy sticks to his back.)

Is this a Periscope of the dress rehearsal? I dunno, maybe.

Is this a photo from the other day of the band rehearsing?

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It is. We can learn two things: Mickey has negotiated the return of his bass drum; and the services of Red Metal Stool are apparently no longer required, which is good news.

Also: who wrangles the kleenex? Does the guitar tech do that, or is there a special roadie just for tissues? Is there a head cold going around the Dead & Company communal living space? (Oteil and Jeff Chimenti have to share a room.)

Searchin’

We seem to be dipping back into the older bits, Enthusiasts, but I haven’t checked the Google search results since the Great Migration; as always, the innertubes bewilder and bewonder me. The rules of everyone’s favorites fun game, How Are People Getting Here? are the same as usual: all the stuff in bold is real, because there’s no fun in making them up. (I reserve the right to make up fake Google searches later and tell you they’re real with a straight face.) All are [sic] and some are just [sick]. Here we go:

thoughts onthe dead, thoights on the dead, thoughts on ghe dead, tgoughts on the dead So close.

thoughtsmon the dead This is a Jamaican Enthusiast.

did dead and company cancelled their shows in north carolina, dead & company pnc music pavilion june 10 cancellation, dead and company cancel show in charlotte nc, has dead and company cancelled their north carolina show Have they?

zootopia showtimes What page could I have possibly been on for this search? How many times do you have to click “next” to get to this site from that starting point? I honestly can’t imagine how this one happened: I’ve never mentioned Zootopia, I know that. Maybe the Oklahoma City venue The Zoo? Dead played there in ’81 or ’82, I think. Like Lord Uxbridge said to the Duke of Wellington upon having his leg blown off in battle, I’m stumped.

thoughts on the dead life is short listen to 73 For some reason, I find this Google search rather sweet.

my baby’s tushee picture I do not find this Google search quite as sweet, or sweet at all, in fact.

donald trump sex maniac All of you are weirdos.

The Leader Of The Band

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Dead & Company is what it is; some hate it, and others are following this summer’s tour. No matter your opinion on the band’s musical merits, you must agree that the best byproduct of the group is Oteil’s elevation from sideman to bandleader. He has gotten the Grateful Dead Bump, and gone from being a Friend to having Friends. In utterly mercenary terms, this means he’ll get paid more and that is a good thing, as the man just had a baby. (Oteil’s wife pitched in.)

What Really Matters

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Or maybe the LGBT crowd can fend for themselves and we can fight the real fight.

“WHAT DO WE WANT?”

Lillian Monster? How’d you get in here?

“I HEARD THERE WAS INJUSTICE! WHAT DO WE WANT?”

Please put the bullhorn down.

“ABSOLUTELY NOT. WHAT DO WE WANT?”

…

Fine. We want equal fonts for Je–

“AND WHEN DO WE WANT IT?”

Now?

“WE ALSO DEMAND THAT DEAD & COMPANY USE LOCALLY-SOURCED GUITAR STRINGS!”

Is that a thing?

“SECOND SET SUGAREE!”

Okay, I’m with you there.

“AND THE FONT THING!”

There you go.

Values

I have had enough, Enthusiasts: of nasty fuckwits with nastier grammar; of petty clamoring for status; shit, maybe of America and that hurts the most. You know I love me some America.

Of course I do, right? When has America ever closed her doors, heart, arms, legs to me? America makes my lunch in the morning and writes my name on the paper bag; she usually writes a note, too, and tosses in some candy and a handful of second chances.

America loves giving me second chances.

Technically, on paper, according to Hoyle: I’m a minority. But, if we’re honest, if you have to be a minority, then “American Jew” is the one to go with. Tutsis? Druze? Copts? Navajo? Those are minorities, too, and those poor fuckers get it in the ass with curling irons regularly. There will be no pogroms in Boca.

As I’ve said, these latest burst pimples of cruelty erupting in North Carolina and Mississippi and other places are not about bathrooms and, quite frankly, anyone who brings up bathrooms can be excluded from the conversation. (Though it should be noted that certain Southerners have historically perverse obsession with who uses what toilet.) The Mississippi law, for one, allows landlords to turn away prospective tenants because they’re gay or transgendered.

“You can’t live here, faggot. What are you gonna do about it?”

That’s the law. That’s the law these mean little fuckers passed and just to make it worse, they blamed it on Jesus. He said “How you treat the least among you is how you treated me,” and there’s no way to square that with what these states have done in His name.

The mean fuckers used to win all the time, and they still do sometimes, but you don’t have to let them. Fight back. Fight dirty. Just fight.

Cancel the fucking show.

Charlotte

There is a delightful and slow-motion shitstorm trickling in on Twitter, where logging on lowers your IQ by 35 points: another one of those dopey Change.org petitions has been started to get Dead & Company to cancel their Charlotte show, as Bruce did his Greenboro show. Naturally, people misread things and have begun reporting that the show is already cancelled. I am stopping myself from deliberately adding to the chaos, but only just.

Don’t misconstrue my linking to the petition as an endorsement: TotD maintains a strict “No Petition” policy. A petition is the weakest of sauce; if you want to involved in politics, then run for office or blow up a dam.  Signing some goofbrain’s clipboard outside a supermarket isn’t helping anyone, and especially not on the innertubes, where all petitions are secretly started by 4chan.

Furthermore, petitioning an artist is abhorrent. You can buy your ticket, or you can stay home; you don’t get a vote. TotD will not be signing this petition.

This leaves the question at hand, and I’ll quote:

We call upon members of Dead & Company to stand in solidarity with all those in North Carolina who oppose the discrimination and hate placed into law in the form of HB2 also known as the “bathroom law” We ask that you Please cancel your appearance in Charlotte, NC on June 10th, 2016 to show that you will not tolerate codifying hate and fear of the LGBT community. This law not only affects bathrooms but a host of other issues such as workplace discrimination. Stand against prejudice and bigotry!

[Sic]

Let us take as an assumption that the members of Dead & Company are against the bill in principle (Billy’s impromptu celebration of gay marriage at the Santa Clara show comes to mind). HB2 would not be let backstage, nor would it be added to Oteil’s Instagram feed.

And let us take as a second assumption that had Bruce not cancelled his show, then we would not be here, but whether you agree with his stance or not, Bruce’s action drew a moral line in the sand over this law.

So, here we are: should D&C cancel? Let’s look at the arguments against:

  • “I agree with the law because I don’t want a man in a dress eating my infant daughter in a bathroom.”

That is a stupid argument and I’ll just move on.

  • “Instead of cancelling, Dead & Company should come and spread love and positivity.”

Maaaaan.

  • “Leave politics out of it.”

North Carolina’s sales tax is 4.75% and applies to concert tickets. The PNC Music Pavilion holds 19,500 and tickets average around $120. (This is a complete estimation based on looking at the Live Nation website for two minutes; if anything, it’s on the low side.) That equals $111,000 in revenue for the county and state governments, and this is of course before you add in the taxes from shirts and posters and food and VIP access and hotel rooms. If my math is off, then please correct me, but I could see a quarter million being collected by North Carolina fairly easily, and that much money is inherently political.

  • “What about other states with bad laws?”

This is an argument for more direct action, not less. Therefore, I support it: there’s a number of states we need to stop coddling.

  • “But I wanted to go.”

Sorry about that.

Having answered the cons, we now examine the pro side of the argument: this law is a hateful sin of a document, designed to shit just a little more on the powerless; and a lie of a thing, cassocked in dread and fevered visions of daughters and wives (never simply “women” which should give you a clue) being attacked in bathrooms by cartoon drag queens.

In reality, transgendered folks get attacked, not the other way around, never the other way around.

And this law makes it just a little bit tougher. It’s the last kick in the ribs to the guy already lying on the sidewalk; the people who passed this law cannot be reasoned with, because no reasonable person would pass this law. Men (and this was mostly done by men) who claim imagined religious persecution to strip others of rights cannot be dealt with: they must be opposed and if withholding business–as Bruce and other such as PayPal have already done–is your only weapon, then that weapon must be deployed.

The law is not about bathrooms. The law is about who gets to be a human being.

That’s my opinion, anyway, for what it’s worth. Feel free to call me an asshole in the Comment Section.

Raise Your Hand

I tried, Enthusiasts: I tried. Opened up the actual text–the PDF, dammit–of this North Carolina HB2 law that’s caused all this hubbub. I was going to quote and cite and opine; my arguments would put a duck’s ass to shame in terms of watertightness. Also, I was going to try to be serous and not use made-up words like “watertightness,” or refer to ducks’ asses.

It was going to be epic, my friends, in vision, in virtuosity, in vituperative erudition: I was planning on weaponizing quotes from many famous men, and even some women if it occurred to me. I was to dip into the long history of entertainers using the only power they have–not showing up–to effect social change; check off the list of illustrious venues that only integrated after the headliner refused to go on with the show.

I didn’t know whether I would clap back or drop the mic first, but I was going to do both.

There’s no point, though: is there? What argument can be made against this legislative shiv that (barely) pretends to cure a problem that doesn’t exist in defense of nebulous “values” and “liberty.” Scrawled in crayon on a Chick Tract and blatantly unconstitutional, HB2 is the legal version of something its writers profess to hate: an abortion.

This world is full of mean fuckers who like to put the screws to weirdos; you need to choose sides.

I’m with Bruce, and I hope other bands scheduled to play North Carolina are, too.

Radio Daze

F(s)oTotD David Gans and Gary Lambert had Young John Mayer as a guest on their Tales from the Golden Road show on Sirius/XM; he stayed for the whole two hours and Bobby even called in from vacation. You can listen here, but if you don’t have the time, then here’s some of what we learned from YJM, with a guest appearance from OBW.

  • Went through three different bandana wranglers during the tour.
  • Engaged to Jon Lovitz.
  • Still has not met Jeff Chimenti, but has heard great things.
  • Through regression therapy, John Mayer has realized that in a past life, he was the ladder used in the Lindbergh baby kidnapping.
  • The Earthroamer still smells; also, Billy stole the engine.
  • Convinced that this is the Orioles’ year.
  • Speaking of baseball, John Mayer brought a bat into the studio and smacked it into his palm whenever David or Gary asked a question he didn’t appreciate.
  • The Cartier Rotonde de Cartier Astromystérieux was hands-down the sensation of the Salon International de la Haute Horlogerie, but the Panerai Lo Scienziato was a close second; never underestimate an angled tourbillon regulator.
  • Was at a big fancy Hollywood party the other day and got to sloppy second with Shailene Woodley.
  • Interrupted the interview five times to ask his Instagram followers to click that thing in the upper right corner; Gary Lambert reminded him they were on the radio; John swung the baseball bat at him.
  • Not only revealed that his penis was nicknamed “The Sloppy Jalopy,” but also explained the origin of the name. (Leaks oil.)
  • A fan of the tried-and-true radio bit, Young John Mayer made a few phony phone calls, but they were all to Katy Perry and they all ended in tears.
  • “Hello? Hi? This is, um, Bobby from Marin. Am I on the air? Wow, cool. Anyway: long-time caller, first-time listener. Could you play some Jimmy Buffett for my wife, Natasha Monster?”
  • “No, Bobby, this is Tales from the–“
  • “Dammit, I forgot to say the Phrase That Pays.”
  • And so on.
  • John Mayer is seriously contemplating getting off that fence and going Full Kimono.
  • Billy had a miniaturized tactical nuke implanted into his brain before the tour started; it detonates if the tempo goes above a certain bpm, and that’s why everything’s so slow.
  • Running out of excuses to give Mickey regarding the late night hotel drum sessions.
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