Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Tag: donna brazile

The Wildest Team-Up Yet, True Believers!

What are you doing?

“The photographer’s holding a stick with a meatball at the end of it. She usually works with pets.”

Sure.

“But I’ll be honest: I can’t stop looking at the meatball.”

It’s a good trick. Did you have some news for the New York Enthusiasts?

“I did. We’re having a special screening at the Village East at 6:30 pm on 11/7, and I’ll be doing a Q&A during intermission. You can RSVP right here.”

What would you like the questions to be about?

“Exclusively about this site.”

You heard him. I have it here in writing, Enthusiasts. Hey, wasn’t Long Strange Trip also nominated for some more awards?

“Yes. We’re up for Best Editing and Best Graphic Design or Animation from Cinema Eye Honors.”

What is that?

“An organization that gives out film awards.”

Ah. Well, congratulations on all the success with the film. It’s well-deserved.

“Making movies is a team effort.”

What about the awards?

“I keep those.”

Are you still looking at the meatball?

“Dude, it looks SO fucking tasty!”

“Okay, this is nonsense. Mr. Bar-Lev, I’m replacing you as the main character of the post.”

Who is that?

“This whole post has been poorly executed, in fact.”

Get out of here, Donna Brazile.

“I am exercising the power given to me in the bylaws of this site–”

Bylaws?

“–and replacing Amir Bar-Lev as our main character with Miles Davis.”

You can’t do this.

“Dude, it’s kind of an honor to be traded for Miles Davis.”

Amir, stay out of this. Let me handle Donna Brazile. Listen, lady–”

“I am no lady. I am longtime Clintonista-gone-rogue Donna Brazile and I’d like you to close all the blinds because there are Russia snipers everywhere.”

Aw, fuck, you’re as crazy as the rest of them, aren’t you?

“I saw Amir Bar-Lev faint. Gotta be replaced.”

He didn’t faint.

“Dude, I did. I saw a really big spider.”

Shush, you. Donna Brazile you have no authority here. You can’t replace Amir. He’s here because he’s supposed to be here.

“I just see no joy in Amir’s dialogue. Besides, Miles is so popular with the college kids.”

Shoo!

“Don’t you shoo me!”

CHASING DONNA BRAZILE OUT OF THE ROOM WITH A BROOM NOISE

“So, I don’t get to meet Miles?”

No, Amir. You don’t get to meet Miles.

“Aw.”

You’re not missing much.

Highlights From The New Donna Brazile Book

  • The reason Debbie Wasserman-Schultz’ hair looks like that is because she gets hit, on average, by six bolts of lightning a week.
  • The pantsuits are sentient.
  • Entire chapter about different foods James Carville can fit into his mouth whole, such as personal pizzas, and medium-sized game bird; Carville can also wrap his lips around the bottom of a two-liter bottle of Dr. Pepper. (He will only do the trick with Dr. Pepper.)
  • Brazile paid for law school mud-wrestling under the name Jerri Mander.
  • Hillary more than occasionally farts with enough force to blow out her pantyhose.
  • The DNC employs around a dozen consultants whose sole portfolio is becoming outraged at what the cafeteria is serving for lunch.
  • Clinton campaign spent almost $2 million on Bill’s fuckmobiles. (Fuckplane, fuckboat, fuckdirigible, etc.)
  • Bernie Sanders briefly employed The Mooch in 2015.
  • To say the DNC has their dicks in their hands would be a compliment, as it would imply they had a grasp of something.
  • Donna Brazile saw the corruption, the cancer at the heart of the Democratic Party, and railed against it as hard as she could without actually doing anything and then helped Hillary cheat at the debates.