Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To
The fourth day of the Days Between is, as ancient tradition dictates, dedicated to Garcia the Stair-Climber. Many loved him as a singer, or a guitarist, but his close friends knew that Jerome H. Garcia could climb the fuck out of stairs. Up, down, spiral, whatever.
A foreign horse, at that.
Hi, Hirokatsu Watanabe, radar specialist from Japan. Whatcha doing?
“Ah, Dead-san. Mushi-mushi. Have radar. Study pyramid. Hai!”
…
Can you do this without the accent?
“Sure.”
It was straddling a line
“I see where you’re coming from. No worries.”
So, what’s going on?
“Turns out King Tut’s tomb has extra rooms off it.”
Really?
“Think so. Pretty sure. Can’t just poke through the drywall, y’know?”
The radar says there’s stuff in there?
“Weird stuff. There’s one thing that looks exactly like an out-of-tune piano, but that makes no sense.”
None at all.
“Couple pieces of luggage.”
Sure.
“Plus there might be a skeleton in there.”
No!
“Oddest thing: looks like it’s wearing a denim jacket and a Greek fisherman’s hat.”
Goddammit. Billy!
“Whaaaaat?”
Did you use the Time Sheath to brick Benjy up into the wall of King Tut’s tomb?
…
“Hey! I did! Totally forgot about that.”
Well, there’s a Japanese guy giving the place an ultrasound and he might have found the evidence.
“Good with technology, the Japanese.”
Could you get one of your magical devices to retrieve the body, please?
“Nah.”
Always great to catch up with you, Billy.
“Kiss my dick.”
Wonderful.
Garcia almost never wore Dead shirts–he respected the drummers’ turf–but when he did, he wore the best one.
I am not vouching for this product, or the person selling it; however, you can try your luck for the next three days for $19.99 plus shipping & handling. (Did you know that I was a Men’s Large?)
Now, a good joke would have been to have snuck into the tombs before everybody got there and install a fake panel of hieroglyphics with a Stealie inscribed in it. Of course, Billy would probably take it as a sign, scream “I’M A MOTHERFUCKING HIGHLANDER, YOU ANNUAL VALLEY-FLOODING SONS-OF-BITCHES!” and take off, ripping off his clothes as he punched every dick on his way out of the Valley of the Kings.
p.s. The title to this post is the answer to, “What did the Ancient Egyptian student say to his spelling teacher?”
Here’s what’s on Garcia’s mind: Oh, good–five more drummers. Just what we need.
For his sins, his successes, his problems and his virtues, Mickey shall be judged.
But he really does have incredible posture.
Also: Mickey brought his chaps to Egypt.
The press conference before leaving for Egypt. Note Billy’s broken arm. Note Phil’s arm about to be broken.
“Garcia! Garcia! GARCIA!”
“Yes, Bobby?”
“The camels have humps.”
…
“Thanks, buddy.”
Remarkable though it was in a place made primarily out of granite and sand, Garcia still managed to set some shit on fire accidentally. The local Bedouins gave him the honorary name Al-Hakka Makka Makka, which means “The One with Untreated Sleep Apnea.”
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