What is this?

“Oh, glad you’re here. This is the new party poncho from James Perse’s new Dead & Company line. It’s officially licensed!”

It’s a garbage bag, Mickey.

“You know nothing about fashion. It’s Polybutadiene prepared with a high-quality Ziegler–Natta catalyst.”

Uh-huh. Wait here while I google that.

“Sure. I’m gonna drum.”

Great.

…

It’s vinyl, Mickey.

“Officially licensed vinyl.”

Sure.

“What our fans have told us is that they’d like higher-end merch. Also, what I’ve told the merch guys is that I’d like higher-end merch. A man cannot yoink on tee-shirts alone.”

How much is that?

“$1,995.”

Jesus.

“There’s a Stealie on it.”

So?

“So you wouldn’t believe how many rich morons we have as fans.”

I totally would.