WASHINGTON — Jared Kushner’s application for a top secret clearance was rejected by two career White House security specialists after an FBI background check raised concerns about potential foreign influence on him — but their supervisor overruled the recommendation and approved the clearance, two sources familiar with the matter told NBC News.
The official, Carl Kline, is a former Pentagon employee who was installed as director of the personnel security office in the Executive Office of the President in May 2017. Kushner’s was one of at least 30 cases in which Kline overruled career security experts and approved a top secret clearance for incoming Trump officials despite unfavorable information, the two sources said. They said the number of rejections that were overruled was unprecedented — it had happened only once in the three years preceding Kline’s arrival. – Officials Rejected Jared Kushner’s Security Clearance; Were Overruled
PERSONNEL SECURITY OFFICE, WHITE HOUSE
“Oh, no, Mr. Kline. Take Baruch off the ‘Yes’ pile.”
“Baruch is fine, Jenkins. Better bet than you, funboy.”
“Most likely, sir. Baruch cannot be in the ‘Yes’ pile. He is at least partially a mobster.”
“Nonsense. He’s mobster-adjacent. You can’t be in his business without rubbing up against mobsters.”
“And what is his business?”
“He shakes down produce salesmen.”
“Sir, we cannot give this man any sort of security clearance. I wouldn’t even let him in the building for a tour.”
“Baruch is good people. I did his interview. That guy has some wild stories.”
“I’ll bet. Sir, you can’t give that man clearance.”
KUH-SHWOMP
“Don’t you love the sound of an old-fashioned ink stamp being forcefully applied to an application?”
“Oh, was that what that was? I didn’t recog…oh, sir, absolutely not.”
“What?”
“Murray. You cannot grant that idiot any sort of clearance. He keeps sending me dick pics.”
“That’s why I like him! He’s completely shaved. Slick. Looks like a sleeping manatee.”
“Uh-huh. And how does he sign his dick pics, sir?”
“Money-Launderin’ Murray is how he refers to himself, I believe.”
“Well, there you go, sir.”
“Ironic.”
“No. Also, when checked his phone for foreign bugs, the machine blew up. You know the machine, sir.”
“The For-o-Bug-o-Matic.”
“Yes, sir. Plugged the phone in and BOOM. Best we can guess is upwards of 60 extranational parties had infected his device. Crammed in there like a clown car. Beijing and Moscow hear every word in every room this idiot’s in.”
“Well, that’s just poor cyber-hygiene.”
“And he keeps livestreaming meetings from inside the building.”
“He does that for the fans.”
“The man cannot be permitted to access–”
KUH-SHWOMP
“–sensitive government…dammit, sir.”
“Oh, take your damns and I’ll take rivers, and both of us can suck on a beaver’s balls.”
“What now?”
“Now, Jenkins, don’t yell–”
“SIR, NO!”
“–but I’m considering passing Parnham. Oh, hush.”
“Parnham returned his application covered in blood, sir.”
“He’s a fighter, Jenkins.”
“No, I don’t think he is. I think Parnham kidnapped someone and drugged them and drained them. Or maybe he bought a kid. I don’t know, but it was unholy. Parnham is some sort of demon.”
“Demon of democracy.”
“You’re not even denying it.”
“Because your accusations are absurd, Jenkins! Are there pixies about, as well? What of twiddle-dees and oogieboogies?”
“What was under the blood, sir?”
“Everyone hide! Jenkins sees all sorts of ferocities and scares!”
“On his application. What was under the blood?”
…
“Glyphs from a Stygian dimension.”
“Right. He’s a literal demon.”
“He’s tight with Kushner. I have to pass him.”
KUH-SHWOMP
“Jesus wept.”
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