Hey, Holly Bowling. Whatcha doing?
“Me? You have to bother me?”
Phil yells at me, Bobby has too much crap in his sweatpants, and Jim James kinda scares me a little.
“What about Ross James?”
The whole James family scares me. Beardos.
“Great.”
So, how you doing? I see you brought your hat.
“Leave the hat alone.”
Does it have a road case?
“Please stop talking to me. I’m concentrating.”
What are you playing?
“Dark Star.”
It’s just a jam in D minor.
“Please don’t say–”
The saddest of all keys.
“–the saddest…you’re so original.”
How’s that all-girl jam band coming together?
“It’s not. I’m very happy with my career, and I don’t need advice from you. Holy shit, do I not need advice from you.”
Oh, no. You’re right. I give terrible advice. You need a manager.
“I have a–”
CELL PHONE NOISE
“Where is that coming from? Bobby’s sweatpants?”
He really does have a lot of junk in there.
CELL PHONE NOISE
“I left my phone backstage.”
Check your hat.
“Stop making fun of my hat.”
I’m celebrating it. Check under your hat.”
…
“Yup. Phone.”
Told you.”
“You’re rolling with Bowling.”
“Great phone greeting, Holl. Perfect.”
“I know this rasp.”
“Holly, it’s Benjy Eisen in a chipmunk costume.”
“Where’d you get a chipmunk costume?”
“Stole it from Brent.”
“Why are you in a chipmunk costume?”
“Don’t worry about the chipmunk costume. This is not about the chipmunk costume. You’d look great in a chipmunk costume.”
“What do you want, Benjy?”
“I wanna take your career to the next level.”
“No, thank you.”
“Listen to my idea first.”
“What?”
“Jam-themed holiday album.”
“No.”
“It’s called Have A Holly, Holly Christmas.”
“Nooooooo.”
“What if I told you I could get you a sponsor?”
“A sponsor?”
“Absolutely. How do you feel about wearing a chipmunk costume onstage?”
“I’m hanging up.”
“Is Billy there?”
DIAL TONE NOISE EVEN THOUGH PHONES DO NOT DO THAT ANY MORE
“Can you leave me out of your little make-em-ups, please?”
I promise nothing, Holly Bowling.
“You suck.”
Do you consider your last name to be more of a gerund or a participle?
…
Holly?
…
Holly?
“HEY!”
Oh, hi, Phil.
“Fuck off!”
Your hair looks great.
“I know. Fuck off.”
Okay.
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