Why not go all the way? Forget “Fake Jerry in front of a Fake Wall.” That’s not even Bush League; that’s some shrub-level bullshit there. If you’re gonna do something, do something. Get a pillow and make Kadadoodle (or whatever the fuck his name is) jam it in his shirt, and then sprinkle talcum powder in his hair like a 2nd-grade production of Cocoon: The Musical. Put the Bobby in short shorts, and hack out the Phil’s liver, and make sure your drummers are terrible parents. And don’t forget the Road Crew! It’s not really authentic, it’s not truly an honor to The Boys, until you press a local theater troupe into improving the day away as the much-storied Road Crew.

Ah, hell: fuck it. Dig Pigpen up. You know what his gravestone says. “Now and forever a member of the Grateful Dead.” Yeah? Make him prove it. Borrow a shovel and scoop that fat/skinny fucker up, arrange his bones in front of a gen-u-ine rotating Leslie speaker, and then get a dog to steal his femur so you can recreate that shot from the Touch of Grey video.

Stop pussyfooting.

Let’s go all the way.