All right, Enthusiasts, it is voting time. Not the presidential election, no: this is a contest between two thoroughly unpleasant candidates that, if there were a God, wouldn’t be the only choices available.

Waaaaait a minute.

See what I did?

Satire, nice.

Thank you. As I was saying: cast your vote, Enthusiasts. You know of TotD’s psychopathic loathing of the Sincere Acoustic Cover, and in this contest you must choose between the very definition of an SAC, and a new wrinkle thereof.

First up is Obadiah Parker, and he is so very sincere, and his guitar is so very acoustic. All the boxes are checked off: sugary pop hit with silly lyrics sung meaningfully through a beard. It is the definition of a modern major SAC. Watch as much as your eyes can stomach:

Now, most SAC are white guys performing blacks guys’ songs; the whole genre started with deadpan renditions of rap songs done folk-style that weren’t uncomfortably close to being racist at all, not at all. Our challenger, though, flips the script: instead of a gently-talented white guy ruining an awesome black guy’s tune, it’s a gently-talented black guy ruining an awesome white guy’s tune.

John Legend plays the piano and croons politely; he’s the black Michael Bublé, kinda. He has a wife who, according to Buzzfeed, enjoys slaying and clapping back. His last name is Stephens, so he also might be the black Billy Idol. (Stevie Wonder’s real last name is Wonder; don’t go putting other people’s foolishness on Stevie.)

John is also playing the piano instead of the guitar in this cover of Bruce Springsteen’s Dancing in the Dark, which further differentiates his SAC from the rest of the pack. I’ve used the audio-only clip of him because the videos were of him with his band doing the number, and I felt it was unfair to compare a guy in a coffee shop with a guitar to a dude in a theater with half-an-orchestra. There are rules that have to be followed. (Apparently.)

http://https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b9eENOjCLOw

The real election of 2016, Enthusiasts: no matter who wins, we all snooze.