Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Tag: lcd soundsystem

Coachella Wooden

April 16, 2016 / / 3 Comments

Brochella Board shorts, flip-flops, craft beer, and an expunged juvenile record? Then amble down to Brochella and see the Dave Matthews Band. Dude? So many sluts.

Nohchella This festival has been taking place in the shadow of Mt. Fuji for so long that its origins are lost to time, but in the 70’s, they started booking rock bands. Bring your stylized facial expressions and your Instagram followers! Vanessa Hudgens will be attending.

Frochella Lineup is Prince, Questlove, Art Garfunkel, and Hologram Billy Preston. (Do not make Hologram Billy Preston.) There will be readings from Malcolm Gladwell and an all-afro bluegrass jam entitled Hairpickin’ and Grinnin’.

Gochella Cancelled after being beaten by an artificially intelligent festival.

G.L.O.W.chella Remember the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling? Well, they’re all in their fifties and sixties now–the ones that are still alive–and not doing so well. Some of them have had hard lives. Quite a bit of pill abuse. But if you’d like to spend some time with them, then you may. The Killers are scheduled to perform.

Sochella Sochella is just so so. Not so-so. So so. It used to be very, but now it’s so. So much so. If you can’t understand me, you’re old. Vanessa Hudgens will be attending.

Boachella Snakes everywhere, man.

Hochella Hos all up in this piece.

Moechella The guy from LCD Soundsystem pokes his bandmates in the eyes, assuming that LCD Soundsystem is an actual band instead of just a fat guy with a laptop.

Snowchella This three-day gathering held in a field outside of Calgary in February killed over a hundred people last winter, including Vanessa Hudgens.

Lollapalooza: Still A Thing

March 23, 2016 / / 5 Comments

lollapalooza 2016

  • Is Lollapalooza coming back, or has it always been around and I didn’t care?
  • I thought we left Lollapalooza in the 90’s with Daddy Snow and Third Eye Blind.
  • Oh, look: Third Eye Blind is playing.
  • This list is like a foreign supermarket: I understand the concept, but the specifics are beyond me.
  • What the fuck is a Flosstradamus?
  • You know the scene in the novel set at a record store or a festival and the only reason for the setting is so the author can come up with a couple pages full of fake band names?
  • That’s what this looks like.
  • The possibility exists that I am both old and out-of-touch, but we can safely disregard that theory.
  • It’s definitely someone’s else’s fault.
  • Radiohead is the musical equivalent of The Wire for me: something white people whose opinions I respect love that I avoid.
  • Don’t know why.
  • Freedom of speech, maybe.
  • Sheer obstinacy, perhaps.
  • I do follow the crowd on the Chili Peppers, though.
  • They suck.
  • They’re semi-funky KISS: two guys, and some other guys, and one trick.
  • And did the Chili Peppers give Jane’s Addiction their sexy guitarist back?
  • And is it the original Jane’s Addiction?
  • Because I had been led to believe that those gentlemen were in the lawsuits and punching stage of bandhood.
  • I usually post live stuff, but the album version of this is the one you want.
  • Headphones.
  • [embedyt] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ogmqY1-_XFc[/embedyt]
  • We have hit Peak Festival.
  • There is a bubble.
  • If I were you, I would short port-a-potties.
  • I will give this particular festival credit, though: it’s not in a field.
  • Grant Park is in Chicago.
  • It’s as in Chicago as you get: it’s right next to Soldier Field; if you’re looking for one festival to go to this summer, I can tell you this: Grant Park is a lovely place to be on drugs with your friends while music plays too loud.
  • If you want to see two bands you like and a bunch you haven’t heard of surrounded by various teenage rebellion, then this one gets the TotD Stamp of approval: it’s not in a southern field, nor the middle of the desert.
  • Plus: the same bands are at every festival, so the whole choice is about your preference in environment.
  • Acts I Have Opinions On: besides the ones I’ve mentioned, just LCD Soundsystem and Lana Del Ray.
  • My Opinions On Said Acts: they are almost anagrams, and I am reminded vaguely of brunch.
  • A Venn diagram of LCD Soundsystem, Lana Del Ray, and brunch would just be one circle.
  • I would also pay good money to take too much acid and listen to One From The Vault through the Despacio PA that James Murphy built.
  • I also have an opinion on Die Antwoord.
  • FUCK YEAH, DIE ANTWOORD.
  • They are scary and look terrible-smelling and I can’t understand a thing they’re talking about.
  • You know the scene where the redneck sheriff tells the lonely drifter to get out of town?
  • If Die Antwoord were the lonely drifter, you would side with the sheriff.
  • Look at this:
  • Right?
  • If that knocked on your door, you would shoot it; the jury would take five minutes to find you not guilty.
  • Acts I Have Heard Of And What I Know About Them: Ellie Goulding is foreign and sings sad songs like a skinny Adele; J. Cole makes the First Lady’s dresses; Future changed the rap game, according to Kanye; Haim are Jewish girls that took a picture with Taylor Swift; neither St. Lucia nor Saint Motel is St. Vincent.
  • Lindsay Stirling is a woman who plays the electric violin while cosplaying; she has also written a memoir detailing her mental health issues and social media problems.
  • It’s almost like she was trying to annoy me.
  • Acts I Have Never Heard Of: the rest of them until you get to the last line.
  • Pepsi’s early stuff was great; Samsung still rocks, I guess.

Line(up) In The Sand

January 5, 2016 / / 0 Comments

[PDF] Coachella 2016 AnnouncesThis is the newly-announced roster for this year’s Coachella, which is a festival in the high desert where filthy young people take drugs. This is not to be confused with Bonnaroo, which is a festival in a grassy field where filthy young people take drugs.

As in previous years, the headliners are big-time rock and rollers. They’ve had U2 and Snoopy Dogg and Drake (who is very big with the kids) and AC/DC (who tanked). Muse headlined one year, even though Muse is the rock version of soccer: America has said “no, thank you.”

It is getting late, and I am growing weary, so allow me to forego the tyranny of paragraphs. Totd presents Random Thoughts On Coachella:

  • How is Father John Misty not a part of this?
  • This seems like his kind of scene.
  • This list makes me feel incredibly out of touch.
  • Not old: there are a bunch of folks in my Twitter feed around my age who know most of these bands.
  • I’m just completely fucking oblivious.
  • In my defense: most of these bands are shit.
  • That’s the way the world works, or at least art/show biz.
  • As the man said, it’s science.
  • Let’s just organize this mass of humanity into three workable groups: bands I know; bands I have heard of; and bands who may or may be fictional.
  • Obviously, I know and love Guns N’ Roses, but am withholding my opinion until some questions are answered re: Izzy, and also re: Steven fucking Adler.
  • Fuck Matt Sorum. Matt Sorum ruined the sound of Guns N’ Roses. They sounded like every other heavy band after his fat, leathery ass joined the band.
  • Steven fucking Adler, man.
  • We know Duff is gonna be there; I need to hear about Izzy and Steve.
  • Also: Thoughts on the Dead Off Track Betting (TotDotB) is setting the over/under for minutes the show starts late at 75. The line on the entire thing being cancelled before it happens is 5-2, with a public fistfight at 10-1.
  • I also know Ice Cube, and can rap along with him when he tells the story about playing basketball and seeing blimps and not shooting people.
  • Rancid is also known to me: they were one of the East Bay punk bands that wore their influences on their sleeve so proudly that they were sort of besides the point; Ruby Soho is a great tune, though.
  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0P9QMkm9Eew
  • And, um: that’s it.
  • Huh.
  • I’m just gonna put my hands on my knees and concentrate on my breathing for a while.
  • I have-thankfully–at least heard of the other two headliners, but not heard their music.
  • Calvin Harris is a rich person with a computer; he dates Taylor Swift; does he have great hair?
  • And then there’s LCD Soundsystem.
  • Literally the only thing I know about this band is that they retired.
  • Like, two years ago.
  • Not “broke up” – retired, and made an enormous and ponderous and self-serving fuss about the whole thing.
  • LCD Soundsystem is only one guy, right?
  • Like a wussy Nine Inch Nails?
  • Something scandalous and scoundrelous about making a big deal out of retiring–even filming a movie about it–then going right back on the road two years later.
  • Dead would never do that.
  • Other acts I have heard of: A$AP Rocky, Edward Sharpe, Sufjan Stevens, 1975, Ellie Goulding, and Courtney Barnett.
  • I was about to put Run the Jewels on that list until I looked again and realized that they were not playing; instead two acts named Run and Jewels were scheduled next to one another.
  • They did that shit on purpose.
  • Fuck you, Coachella: I thought Killer Mike was gonna drop some heavy truth on suckers.
  • There are also bands I have never heard of; this is their fault, and I shall mock them for their rudeness.
  • Jesus, there are some terrible band names on here.
  • RUFUS DU SOUL, TOKiMONSTA, HEALTH, KSHMR, BADBADNOTGOOD, and SOPHIE: stop that shit.
  • There don’t seem to be any Grateful Dead-related acts on here, but GnR are gritting their teeth and getting paid like grown-ups, so the spirit of the Dead will be there.

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