Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Tag: leilani muenter (Page 1 of 2)

A Rhino, Serious

May 10, 2016 / / 0 Comments

IMG_4245(1)

Hey, Rhino. Whatcha doing?

“Who’s that? I can’t see you.”

Should I come closer?

“I still wouldn’t be able to see you. Terrible eyesight.”

Have you thought about LASIK?

“I tried that.”

It didn’t work?

“When I went in for my consultation, I destroyed the entire office.”

You’re too big to fit in a waiting room.

“Yeah, you know: megafauna. No big deal on the eyes, though. I can smell up a storm.”

Of course you can. Look at that nose.

“That’s my horn, jackass.”

Right, sure. Although, I think the proper term for it is “tusk.”

“I’m going to ignore you, even though I have excellent hearing.”

It’s like you just read your own Wikipedia article.

“Nah. Not so big on the reading. Tiny brain. Enormous skull, but a tiny brain. It’s suspended in there like a chandelier in a ballroom.”

That seems odd.

“Not if you think about it. Evolution pares away anything unneeded; if you weigh a ton with inch-thick armor all over you and eat grass, you don’t need to be that smart.”

Just how dumb are rhinos?

“Almost unanimously for Trump.”

Wow.

“Man’s got a lot of horn.”

Uh-huh. Let’s get back to you: what’s your horn made of?

“Medicine.”

Really?

“Yeah. Chinese are right. Just compressed medicine.”

What does it cure?

“Depends on how much you want to spend.”

You’re fooling with me, Rhino.

“I am. I was using irony to illustrate what complete fucking monsters your entire species is.”

We’re not the best.

“No. Who’s the lady taking pictures?”

Lillian Monster.

“Bobby’s sister!? Shit, no way! Lemme get Soup.”

You know Soup?

“Soup!”

“Heeeeey, man.”

We’re done.

Imminent, Front

April 5, 2016 / / 3 Comments

The Tesla 3 was announced the other day; it’s more acoustic-based than the first two albums, but has the worst cover. It is also a go-cart built by a Communist, but hundreds of thousands ponied up the grand for the deposit, anyway.

This is what it looks like:

tesla 3

For all its novelty, the 3 looks like a Hyundai, except for the front of the car, which looks like a Ken doll’s genital area. I understand the impetus behind removing the grille–the car no longer needs to suck in air–but it seems like they forgot to finish the thought and design something to replace it. Perhaps it was on Elon Musk’s to-do list and then a rocket blew up and he meant to get to it: you know how life is.

And–like everything else in the world–the Tesla 3 has a Dead connection. In this article from Mashable–which is a word, I suppose–we learn that the line for these cars is simply uncuttable, as even Lillian Monster has to wait for one. This is the picture the article used:

Image- leilani.green

Looking past the Sunoco patch, which I’m sure was sewn onto the suit by accident, I couldn’t help but wonder why Lillian Monster looks so familiar.

[PDF] Ricky Bobby Returns!

Ah. There it is.

In Which Bob Weir Explains The Universe To A Rando

April 2, 2016 / / 0 Comments

IMG_3848

“We just stand here?”

“Sure. Stand here. Be casual. Half-smile kinda deal. I’m gonna enjoy my vest, but you didn’t bring one.”

“Decided against it right before I left the house.”

“Can’t go with you there. Vest is the key. Keeps your torso toasty.”

…

“Bobby?”

“Yup?”

“How long do we stand here?”

“Until he’s done writing.”

“What?”

“You may have kind of wandered into a weird neighborhood. What do you know about semi-fictionality?”

“I know it’s not a thing.”

“Well, hate to disagree again, but it is. You’re in it.”

“We’re not real?”

“We are. But not us. Look up the Theory of General Narrativity.”

“Can you give me the short version?”

“The story is the only constant.”

“None of this makes sense.”

“Well, no, not if you explain it.”

“So anything could happen?”

“Course not. I would never, you know, karate chop you out of nowhere. Not in my character. Character is the only constant.”

“You said story was the constant.”

“Character is story.”

“It sounds like you’re making this up as you go, Bob.”

“Huh. How about that. Oh, hey: we should get out of the road.”

“Why?”

SKRRRRREEEEEEEEEEE

KAH-THWAMP

tumbletumbletumbletumble

“Because Lillian Monster’s electric race car doesn’t make any noise until it hits you.”

“WE DEMAND VEGAN PARKING SPACES!”

“Did you hook up a loudspeaker in your car?”

“IT RUNS ON SOLAR POWER!”

“Sounds right. You wanna get lunch?”

“YES, BUT I’M A VEGAN!”

“Yeah. You’ve mentioned it.”

Rejected Grateful Dead Hot Wheels Toys

March 26, 2016 / / 2 Comments
  • Pig’s 1968 Ford Cortina.
  • The hearse the drummers stole after seeing Ghostbusters.
  • Creepy Ernie’s van.
  • Garcia’s 7-series land yacht.
  • Three semi-trucks with a build-a-figure Wall of Sound in the trailers.
  • Mickey’s sports racer Porsche 911* with authentic tour-cancellin’ crash damage.
  • Phil’s Lotus with lifelike electrical problems and sporadically functioning pop-up headlights.
  • The ice cream trucks that Wake of the Flood was supposed to be sold from.
  • The Bolo bus, which has a john and seats that face front. (With removable Pig in the back seat.)
  • The Bozo bus, which has a refrgierator and some of the seats installed facing back to accomodate four tables.
  • Parish’s Trans-Am.
  • One of those thunderously armored military mineclearing vehicles with the chain flails on the front.
  • This thing:
  • [PDF] Made in India military
  • But with Dead bullshit all over it.
  • Tom Constanten’s Geo Metro.
  • The Fast Motherfucker, an experimental rocket car that Alembic took to the Bonneville Salt Flats and then for some reason let Mickey drive.
  • The Earthroamer.
  • Pig’s Triumph motorcycle.
  • Big-Dicked Sheila’s Miata.
  • The Econoline van that took the band from the venue to the hotel, complete with individualized snacks and beverages.
  • A glazier’s truck, but the windowpanes are, like, windowpanes.
  • Maaaaan.
  • Whatever the fuck this thing is:
  • beetle camper
  • That sucker would drive itself to a Dead show.
  • You could just want to go to the store, but if there were a Dead show going on, then that was where you were going.
  • The doors would lock you in, gears would shift themselves.
  • Keith and Mrs. Donna Jean’s BMWs that you could crash into each other in the Front Street Parking Lot Playset. (Sold separately.)
  • Sewage truck hauling away doody from Watkins Glen.
  • Lillian Monster’s Tesla racecar.
  • Ned Lagin’s Saab.

*Lost Live Dead and Hooterollin’ Around‘s Corry provides this link with additional information and an utterly ridiculous quote from Mickey.

Occupy Mount Tamalpais

February 9, 2016 / / 8 Comments

img_3382“WE DEMAND MORE SAY IN THE SETLISTS!”

“Tell ’em, Leilani!”

“Preach!”

“WE DEMAND THE RETURN OF SHAPIRO’S FAKE RAINBOWS!”

“Yes!”

“Keep going, sister!”

“WE DEMAND JOSH MEYERS STOP MAKING THOSE FACES!”

“Good demand!”

“He really does make a lot of faces, yes!”

…

“Lillian Monster?”

“YES, BOBBY?”

“Sis, I love you, but you and your friends need to get off my lawn.”

“THIS LAWN BELONGS TO THE PEOPLE!”

“It doesn’t, really. I bought it when Nixon was president.”

 

(With thanks to leapyear for the Photoshop.)

Bob Weir: Internet Celebrity

January 14, 2016 / / 0 Comments

img_3136
“Okay, Bobby. You’ve been here before. Just don’t panic and try to think. Try to think and don’t talk out loud. Don’t talk out loud and figure out who the hell this woman is. Figure out who the hell this woman is and what the fuck a Periscope is. Okay: let’s just list things I know. My name is Bobert Herbert Walker Weir and I’m a Grateful Dead. Ooh, maybe she’s a Grateful Dead? Should I ask her? Is she Phil? Phil’s a Grateful Dead, and this woman might very well be Phil.”

“Bobby?”

“Said that all out loud?”

“Yeah.”

“Huh.”

…

“Leilani, Bobby.”

“Sure, sure. Yeah.”

“Sister-in-law.”

…

“RIIIiighht, okay. I’m back.”

“Good to see you.”

“Were we broadcasting?”

“Yes.”

“Ah.”

« Older posts

The Stacks

Follow Us

Google Verification

Follow Us

Follow me on Twitter

© 2026 Thoughts On The Dead

Theme by Anders Noren — Up ↑