Signs That Garcia Was, In Fact, Jewish:
- Big bushy beard like a rabbi.
- Sang for a living like a cantor.
- Though I have no evidence to back this claim up, I am certain that Garcia preferred his French toast made with challah bread.
- Jews are the Chosen People; Garcia enjoyed choosing things.
- Garcia went to many Dead shows, which is a very Jewish thing to do.
- Engaged in dialogue and made peace with Egypt.
- Not a button nose.
- Nor particularly athletic.
- Could understand Bill Graham’s Yiddish instantly, like Harry Potter speaking the snake language.
- (The snake language was called Parseltongue. I did not have to look it up, and I didn’t say it at first out of shame for knowing it. Stop looking at me that way.)
- Sometimes in the middle of the night, Garcia would sit bolt upright in the chair he was already upright in and need a Dr. Brown’s cream soda.
- Top two Garcia crushes: Kat Dennings and Lizzy Caplan.
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