Tag: luke walton

“Luke, my son, you are the glory of my loins, and you give me proper praise, like Telemachus unto Odysseus. You honor me, boy. You honor me.”

“Uh-huh. How long you and Uncle Mickey been hanging out, Dad?”

“Since 1974. And also all day.”

“All day?”

“It’s Mushroom Monday, Lukey. We’ve been pounding boomers since dawn. We snacked on that shit!”

“Dad.”

“Chowed down like it was Chinatown. Throwing that yunka back like popcorn.”

“Dad.”

“I go hard on Tour, Lukey.”

…

“I gotta go coach my team.”

“You make me proud to be an American. I mean, many things do that, but you’re one of them.”

“Is Uncle Mickey okay?”

“He will be!”

“See you after the game, Dad.”

“Now, Luke, how has the government shutdown affected the Lakers?”

“Not at all, Uncle Mickey.”

“That’s not why LeBron is sitting out?”

“No. He’s hurt. He strained his groin.”

“Oh, I used to do that all the time. Here’s the trick: you gotta pull the chick closer to you.”

“Gotcha.”

“OUTSTANDING!”

“Speaking of which, do the Laker Girls still have to sleep with Arsenio Hall?”

“I don’t know if they ever ‘had to,’ Uncle Mick.”

“Well, no one would want to. Guy had a head shaped like a rhombus.”

“Okay.”

“He was no Bobby.”

“FANTASTIC!”

“What about the Magic Circle?”

“The what?”

“Where the players circle up and pass the ball to each other in humorous ways.”

“That’s the Globetrotters, Uncle Mick.”

“You should get the Generals on your schedule. That’s a guaranteed win right there.”

“BOMBASTIC!”

“Is your dad just gonna keep yelling positive words?”

“Yeah. He gets caught in what he calls an ‘Enthusiasm Cycle.’ Sometimes it lasts a couple hours.”

“SUPERB!”