Tag: melvin seals

Wondering where drummer David Kemper was in the previously-posted shot? No? Not even a little?

…

Well, you can kiss it. That’s right: kiss it.

Are you done?

Yes.

…

What’s “it?”

WOULDN’T YOU LIKE TO KNOW, MISTER MAN.

Knock it off or you’re going to kiss mine. Both of you.

Anyway: just where was David Kemper, ten-year veteran drummer of the Jerry Band, during the photo shoot? TotD investigates…

• Kemper is half-Norweigian and the Winter Olympics were airing.
• Daylight Savings Time misunderstanding.
• He was with friends! Stop interrogating David Kemper: you’re not his real dad!
• Billy kidnapped him out of jealousy.
• Billy kidnapped him for money.
• Billy kidnapped him accidentally. (Billy would revert to muscle memory sometimes and kidnap people in a fugue state, like a man driving to his previous house after work, except with more duct tape and ski masks.)
• Afro shame.
• Brief side note: what do you think the street value of Garcia’s flannel is? Couple hundred, right? Gotta be a couple grams of whatever in the frocket alone.
• He had built a log flume in the backyard of his Iowa home and, from out of the cornfields, great log flumists of the past came to ride with him.
• He was assigned to a lonely outpost in Indian country, whereupon he befriends them and has sex with a woman who is conveniently white.
• Lupus. (It wasn’t lupus.)
• Car hit a pelican and when he went to investigate, the pelican–merely stunned–pulled a knife and chased him down Market Street.
• Kemper figured that Garcia wouldn’t notice whether he was there or not, so he slept in.