Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Tag: mickey hart (Page 20 of 71)

Drumz Not Drums

July 31, 2016 / / 2 Comments

mickey drone not drones

As you can see, Mickey was repping an outfit called “Drone Not Drones” which did not have a hit single with Walk the Dinosaur in the 80’s. It is instead a charity of some sort, and their gimmick is to play drone music for lethal amounts of time, which is honestly better than all that pink bullshit the NFL forces the players to wear in November.

TotD admires the Dead for the political stands they’ve taken as of late, mostly because I agree with them, but I cannot fall in line behind Mickey in this case; I feel he is giving drone warfare a bad rap.

War is messy, and sometimes there is a wedding full of people that–for tactical purposes–needs to explode. Before drones, that could not be accomplished without putting a white person in danger. Now, weddings and hospitals and schools and the occasional historical site can be destroyed with no risk to any white person, and that’s better. It’s not better for the people at the weddings, but it is much better for the white people and that’s the metric we’re judging this by.

Some will ask why the weddings needed to explode in the first place, but those people are fucking Commies.

Finally, John Cale has nothing to do with drone warfare. Point: drone warfare.

Sorry, Mick.

I’d Pledge Drive All Night, Just To Buy You Some Shoes

July 29, 2016 / / 0 Comments

phil mickey tuxes

“Good evening, everyone. Welcome to the First Annual TotD Telethon. I’m Mickey Hart.”

“And I’m Bob Weir. Dammit, Bobby couldn’t make it! This was supposed to be rewritten!

“That’s right. It is a special evening. Let’s talk about some of the great work that TotD does, Bobby.”

“No! That’s incorrect! I’m Phil. Phil Lesh. Of the Grateful Dead!”

…

“Well, you’re the expert on shorts, Bob.”

“I’m not Bob! Stop calling me that!”

“For almost five years.”

“Mickey, stop reading from the script! Things have gone awry!”

“No, the government can’t help, Bob.”

“I’M NOT BOBBY!”

RUNRUNRUN

…

“Sure, Bobby, there will always be a Pakistan.”

Mick?

“Yeah?”

You need to stop reading the script.

“It wasn’t very good, anyway.”

No. Here–

SCRIBBLE SCRIBBLE SCRIBBLE

–read this.

“Thoughts on the Dead relies on donations from ENTHUSIASTS LIKE YOU to fund our important work. We’d like to continue telling the stories that the mainstream media is afraid of, and bringing readers the truth about essential topics such as the state of Billy’s dong, or what Dead show you should listen to, or the occasional terrible poetry.

“Or another trip down Route 77.”

…

“Why did I say that last part so dramatically?”

Shh.

“Are we promising things or holding beloved characters hostage?”

Quiet, you.

“I’m uncomfortable with this.”

Keep reading.

“What is this? ‘Give me money or Roy Head dies?’ I’m not reading this! It’s blackmail!”

Only emotional!

“Mickey out.”

The Mickey Never Stopped

July 28, 2016 / / 1 Comment

Generated by IJG JPEG Library

Hey, Mickey. Whatcha doing?

“I have no idea.”

Where are you?

“I have no idea.”

Give it a try.

“Idaho?”

Probably not.

“My own private Idaho?”

Certainly not.

“Am I onstage?”

Do you mean that in the sense that all the world’s a stage?

“No.”

Then, no.

“What if I did?”

Then, yes. Are you drunk?

“Do you mean that in the sense that all the world’s a drunk?”

That makes no sense.

“Then, yes.”

You need to cut back, buddy.

“Cut me some slack: I work three hours every three days. And, you know: I only work for twenty minutes out of those three hours. I’m bored.”

Take up a hobby.

“I did. Drinking.”

It’s no good for you. What about skank? You and Billy could cruise the hotel hallways for skank like the old days.

“Oh, no skank for me. I’m dating Cher.”

No, you’re not. That’s Billy. And he’s not dating Cher, either.

“I’m pretty sure that I’m dating Cher.”

NO ONE’S DATING CHER.

Company & Dead

July 27, 2016 / / 6 Comments

Dead & Crew

Allow me to preface my silly little jokes with this: hail to the road crew. First in, last out, first blamed.

In no particular order:

  • If you asked someone to describe what this photo would look like before they saw it, they would have gotten it exactly right; nothing about this photo is a surprise.
  • Oh, wait: there’s a bunch of ladies.
  • They are hidden in the back.
  • Maybe the photographer is a bear, and all the women are menstruating, and the men are being chivalrous.
  • Beard guy.
  • Bald guy.
  • Bald guy who is maybe black.
  • Lady in red cocktail dress.
  • Matt Busch.
  • Other beard guy.
  • Waldo.
  • Harry Knowles.
  • Y’know, I think Bald Maybe Black Guy and Handsome Dan back there are the drivers for some reason–the two guys by Mrs. Donna Jean in the Stealie button-downs–and now I am fascinated by them and am starting to make up stories about them.
  • I will come up with better names, though.
  • And speaking on behalf of Mrs. Donna Jean: same shit, different century.

Mickey Pulsed And Throbbed

July 21, 2016 / / 3 Comments

mickey pulse throb fenway

Jesus, Mickey.

“We did, though! All of us together, pulsing and throbbing in rhythm. There was also thrusting.”

Ew.

“And those that could not thrust were juicy.”

Weird.

“Were our boners made from drums, or our drums from boners?”

Neither.

“Don’t call me to the blackboard, teacher: I’m here with my friends, pulsing and throbbing.”

Stop.

“Last night, Oteil pulsed while I throbbed; this night, we switch. He got sore.”

What?

“Thrulsing.”

Nope.

“Pobbing”

Nuh-uh.

“GlaaaarMAAAflarn.

You’re just making sounds now, Mickey.

“Drums!”

Good talk.

The Piano Has Been Drinking, But The Piano Player Has Also Been Drinking

July 20, 2016 / / 4 Comments

keith rhodes forehead

This is Keith Richard Godchaux; it is his birthday today, and he doesn’t show up around here very much. Just a sleepy punchline most of the time, I’m sorry to say, but there’s nothing to hang a character on: he did no interviews and his physical presence on shows caught on camera gives little of his personality away. (When he made it into the film, that is:  he’s almost completely absent from Sunshine Daydream and the Beat Club footage, but he does get some nice shots in The Grateful Dead Movie.) I don’t know if I’ve ever heard his speaking voice. He died in 1980, which is the past but not that past, and nothing remains.

Did they call you Keith, Keith? Godchaux? Cho-Cho? Frenchy? What was your favorite candy? Did you go to church? What was your best subject in school? Did you write Mrs. Donna Jean letters? What did you think about lacrosse?

The rest of them are easy studies, Keith; who the hell were you?

Also: a studio apartment the size of Keith’s forehead rents for five grand a month in San Francisco nowadays.

Front Five

July 8, 2016 / / 11 Comments

deadandco football folsom

Bobby’s jersey says LORAX.

Also, Jeff Chimenti is my favorite person. Look at him, all goony and happy and magical. If you catch Jeff Chimenti, then he must grant you wishes; if you made a paintbrush from his hair, the art you create would go with any sofa. Jeff Chimenti talks in his sleep, but only inspirational messages and compliments. An anagram for “Jeff Chimenti” is not “Wow, he’s great.”

Also also: the fun and games are over. I need to know where Billy was.

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