Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Tag: phil lesh (Page 36 of 105)

The Spectrum Of Foolishness

Mickey was the biggest fan of April Fool’s Day: he didn’t alter his behavior in the slightest, it’s just that on the first of April, he had an excuse to be awful. On the 31st of March, you were allowed to be angry with him when the duffel bag full of furious raccoons was introduced into the band van, but on April Fool’s Day you look like a dick if you get angry.

“April Foolishness,” Phil would harrumph yearly: he had no patience for any of it. A roadie once gave him a can of peanut brittle that actually contained a springy snake; Phil choked him with the snake.

A Momentary Confusion

keith band orpheum 76

There was nothing the Grateful Dead couldn’t make more complicated.

Also: this picture confuses me. Those aren’t stage lights in the upper righthand corner: they’re film lights. Rock and roll lighting hangs from a truss; it certainly doesn’t go in front of the band with gels gaffer-taped over the bulbs.

And since we know that the Dead’s road crew would never do more work than required (and sometimes not even that), then we must infer that this show was captured on film.

It is here, Enthusiasts that I can either be honest or simply delete the whole post; for both our sakes, I choose honesty: this photo is from 7/12/76 at the Orpheum in San Francisco, which we do in fact know was filmed. You can watch the soundcheck, courtesy of the legendary and mysterious Voodoonola:

Now, here’s where I turn into a complete slapdick: I had a whole theory about how the photo was not from 7/12, but instead from a different night in the run, which means another night was recorded and that there was a pro-shot film from ’76 being kept from us. My thesis relied heavily on the fact that Mrs. Donna Jean is wearing a different blouse in the photo than in the soundcheck video.

And then I remembered that people change their clothes.

Sorry to have wasted your time.

A Shoot In The Dark

The number of pictures taken of the Grateful Dead can be mathematically expressed as ∞-1. However, there weren’t that many actual photo shoots, where the whole band (whomever that applied to at the time) congregated and maybe even showered for the occasion.

Using the principles and practices of Without Research, let’s see how many I can get. Point out my mistakes, omissions, and character flaws in the Comment Section.

  • The one from ’77 where Phil wears a tie that I just posted about.
  • In front of the Holiday Inn where Brent wears the doofus hat.
  • ’76 in the park: Mickey in cocaine hat, Phil in headband.
  • Outside on the deck in 1971 or ’72 with Keith and Pig, but no Mrs. Donna Jean.
  • With Dylan.
  • Baron Wolman inside with the big flag.
  • First (?) photo shoot in the street with the light bouncing off their faces.
  • Phil with Fu Manchu, Garcia in pigtails; at the Portero and thereabouts in black and white.
  • Also ’67 or ’68: old-fashioned barber’s/dentist’s chair.
  • Cover shot for Go To Heaven (which there must be more pictures from besides the two floating around the innertubes, and I demand that someone send to me).
  • The one with Vince where Phil wears a tie-dyed Izod shirt.
  • Sometime in the 80’s and Bobby has a rose for some reason.
  • The one from around In the Dark that split up into duet photos.

Wow, that is actually not a lot. Every other band–literally every single other band in the history of bands–submits to full group photo shoots for every new project.

Goddamned recalcitrant malcontents

Stuck In The Middle With Keith

band 77 bw phil tie

I’ve seen other shots from this photo shoot (Phil Wears a Tie in ’77), but not this particular picture. It’s been a while since we’ve had a good group shot, and we shall get back to basics by going left to right.

  • Mickey wins.
  • That is the most fuckable Mickey’s hair has ever been.
  • Plus the hockey jersey/mustache combo: he looks like a the left-winger on the fighting line.
  • Sure, there’s a bit of coke-face going one, but still: Mickey wins.
  • What happened to the guy who used to own that tie?
  • Did Phil take it as a prize?
  • Phil’s hair also looks good, but not as good as Mickey’s; also, Phil has no mustache.
  • And he needs to stop looking at Mrs. Donna Jean like that.
  • And Mrs. Donna Jean needs to stop looking at Phil like that.
  • Garcia sees it.
  • Look at Garcia’s face.
  • I’ll wait.
  • Right?
  • There’s no culture in the world in which that expression doesn’t translate to “Goddammit, man.”
  • (Although neither Phil nor Garcia is wearing his glasses, so they might think they’re looking at each other.)
  • A rare L for Bobby.
  • Bobby usually wins the picture, but his starter beard can’t stand up to Mickey’s Doug Henning-style.
  • If Bobby’s ’77 beard used the Time Sheath to meet Bobby’s current beard, it would be in awe.
  • The real-life Billy has the liberal views you might expect from a Grateful Dead, but Billy’s face in this picture is voting for Trump.
  • Also, if Billy and Mickey tilted their heads to opposing sides, their mustaches would form parentheses around the Grateful Dead.
  • Oh, Keith.
  • You’ve seen some shit, haven’t you?

Sufi, Don’t Bother me

Cryptical Development has a first-hand account from the 3/24/71 show I just posted about: go read it. Then come back here, because I have stolen all the photos accompanying the well-written tale and will say witty things about each, or maybe just one, or the whole post could suck.

Who knows what the future holds?

Okay, you back? Wonderful. You always come back to me. No one else has what you need. No other website–

I’m going to cut you off early on this one.

–touches your buttocks like I…dude. Stop interrupting.

Stop being weird.

I’m not being weird. I just want to rub my wordboner on strangers’ eyeballs.

That right there. That’s the weird I mentioned. Stop doing it.

My posts are boners made of words: they’re full of life, and I want people to look at them.

Just show the pictures of the hairy white people making a racket.

billy phil bobby jerry peanut

Which points out another interesting aspect of this show: Peanut!

Also, this was apparently a benefit for the Sufis, who did this:

sufi bullshit

“PUT.

“THAT FIRE.

“OUT.

“SCHMUCK.”

“Oh, hey, Bill. We were just–”

“Don’t you ‘Hey, Bill’ me, you goddamn maniac. Put that fire out!”

“Oh, Bill: this is a sacred fire.”

“I don’t care if it’s the Pope’s Zippo lighter! Put it out! Put it out now!”

“You can’t just ‘put out’ a sacred fire, Bi–”

PSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHH

PSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHH

PSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHH

PSSHH

PSSHH

PSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHSSSSSSSSSHHHHH

“It’s out, man.”

“Well, it was a sacred fire. I wanted to make sure. WINTERLAND IS MADE OF WOOD AND OILY RAGS! No fires!”

billy phil sufi choir 3:24:71

The Sufis chanted and then their choir came out; the Dead played with them for the last few numbers, but there’s no tape.

Hero of the Picture: Billy, who cares so little about any of this Sufi bullshit that he doesn’t even want to punch a Sufi dick. (Sufi dicks spin when you punch them.)

bobby jerry peanut pig 3:24:71

And here’s another shot of Peanut, and Pig with the last bit of fat he’d ever have.

Rejected Grateful Dead Hot Wheels Toys

  • Pig’s 1968 Ford Cortina.
  • The hearse the drummers stole after seeing Ghostbusters.
  • Creepy Ernie’s van.
  • Garcia’s 7-series land yacht.
  • Three semi-trucks with a build-a-figure Wall of Sound in the trailers.
  • Mickey’s sports racer Porsche 911* with authentic tour-cancellin’ crash damage.
  • Phil’s Lotus with lifelike electrical problems and sporadically functioning pop-up headlights.
  • The ice cream trucks that Wake of the Flood was supposed to be sold from.
  • The Bolo bus, which has a john and seats that face front. (With removable Pig in the back seat.)
  • The Bozo bus, which has a refrgierator and some of the seats installed facing back to accomodate four tables.
  • Parish’s Trans-Am.
  • One of those thunderously armored military mineclearing vehicles with the chain flails on the front.
  • This thing:
  • [PDF] Made in India military
  • But with Dead bullshit all over it.
  • Tom Constanten’s Geo Metro.
  • The Fast Motherfucker, an experimental rocket car that Alembic took to the Bonneville Salt Flats and then for some reason let Mickey drive.
  • The Earthroamer.
  • Pig’s Triumph motorcycle.
  • Big-Dicked Sheila’s Miata.
  • The Econoline van that took the band from the venue to the hotel, complete with individualized snacks and beverages.
  • A glazier’s truck, but the windowpanes are, like, windowpanes.
  • Maaaaan.
  • Whatever the fuck this thing is:
  • beetle camper
  • That sucker would drive itself to a Dead show.
  • You could just want to go to the store, but if there were a Dead show going on, then that was where you were going.
  • The doors would lock you in, gears would shift themselves.
  • Keith and Mrs. Donna Jean’s BMWs that you could crash into each other in the Front Street Parking Lot Playset. (Sold separately.)
  • Sewage truck hauling away doody from Watkins Glen.
  • Lillian Monster’s Tesla racecar.
  • Ned Lagin’s Saab.

*Lost Live Dead and Hooterollin’ Around‘s Corry provides this link with additional information and an utterly ridiculous quote from Mickey.

You Better Head Back To Tennessee, Comrade

A commenter named Jason over at Dead.net takes a break from accusing David “24 Hours Of” LeMieuxns of things to post this:

Dead show in Soviet Era Moscow???

I can’t find it in the show list, and want to fact check my story.

In 1977 I took a quarter off from school (Berkeley) and accompanied my father on a State-Department sponsored visit to Dirty-War-era Argentina. Our host was the Cultural Attache, which, he explained, was usually translated in South America as “La Cia.” He winked.

He told me that a previous posting had been in Moscow, and he had been part of a team that got the Dead to do a concert there (or maybe it was in then-Leningrad), and that in terms of subverting the dominant paradigm (my words not his!) it had been a smashing success.

I would have thought it was on the 1972 tour, but I don’t see it on the list. Is my story false? Surely no one will accuse me of having been duped by a CIA agent!

Jason, I only wish you had brought this to my attention, rather than squander your energies in the Dead.net comment section, which is like a mall for poor people that is also on fire. Answers will not be found there, unless you are asking the question “Whose first show was also coincidentally the BEST SHOW EVAR?”

TotD knows the truth.

You are no dupe.

The Grateful Dead played Moscow on 6/2,3/72 at the Rossiya Theatre. Setlists were classified, and the entire Taper’s Section was executed during the setbreak, but now–at last–the true story can be told of The Boys behind the Iron Curtain.

The whole adventure can be properly classified as “another one of CIA’s dumbfuck ideas,” but no one got killed on purpose (except the tapers, but they should have known what was going to happen) which makes it palatable. The term “Cold War” tends to elide the fact that America and Russia talked constantly at all levels of government: summits and proxy wars and cultural exchange. The Dead show was part of the last category, although a proxy war did break out just a little; also, Mickey called what he did to Commie chicks “summiting” and you don’t want me to explain it.

The State Department (and the CIA) had sent some college bands over, and classical musicians, but the goal was to foment a little love for America, and you weren’t going to do that with a piccolo player: you needed rock and roll. Our men in Moscow met with their Commie counterparts to sell the show:

“Who is Grateful Dead, Jenkins? Like Beatles?”

“Kinda, Yuri. Kinda like them, sorta.”

“Is nice boys?”

“Boys. They are boys. And Mrs. Donna Jean.”

“Show me picture.”

“Yuch.”

“They’re very stylish, Yuri.”

“They’re weird-looking.”

“No. No. No. And they’re a little bit communists.”

“Shto?”

“Well, you know: Cowboy Communism.”

“I do not know what this is.”

“They believe in sharing, but also shoot at people who stop by the house uninvited.”

“This is not Communism. Look at them. Hairy Mexican. Pretty boy. Mess. Mess. Mess. Pretty Lady. That one in hat is dead, I think.”

“Only mostly dead.”

“No! This cannot come into Worker’s Paradise. Will be counter-revolutionary.”

“They have dancing bears.”

“Serious? Why did you not say this first? What dates they have available?”

After the European tour concluded in London, the buses containing the Bozos and the Bolos turned East and made their way across the European continent. They drove through Poland, where Billy told many jokes, and Czechoslovakia, which no one knew how to spell. The road to Moscow (the worst of the Hope/Crosby comedies, by the way) led through Belarus, whcih no one knew anything about, and Albania; when the Dead got to Albania, they asked many questions, such as, “Wha?” and “Are they kidding?” and “Is this entire country wearing their crazypants?” and “Did someone just steal the Bolo bus?”

Limping, crowded, into the Soviet Union, the Dead were taken to their hotel; Phil found it unsatisfactory, and Billy–crazed from the trip–tossed a Lada through the lobby window. It was explained to Phil that there were no good hotels in the entire country; Billy was distracted news of how favorable the exchange rate for tuggers was; further incidents were avoided.

The shows were reportedly good: Sam Cutler dosed the concession stand borscht, and the little Communist children boogied all night long. A young Vladimir Putin was in attendance the second night; he declared the group “decadent filth” and ordered Ned Lagin murdered.

The KGB was notably tolerant towards the group, especially after Bear found all of their hidden microphones and upgrade them for free. After that, instead of bugs, an agent just sat in the hotel room taking notes. The Dead felt that was more upfront, at least, and naturally dosed all the agents.

On the morning of the Fourth, the buses were declared the property of the People, and the Dead were tranquilized like zoo animals and shipped back to America. To this day, none of them are quite sure the whole weekend happened, but Mickey’s still got the t-shirt.

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