Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Tag: phil lesh (Page 65 of 105)

If You Can't Be An Athlete…

October 16, 2014 / / 10 Comments

phil bobby flannery nat anthem

Everyone told Bobby that it was unnecessary, but he showered with the players anyway.

OR

Hair, Weir, Nair.

OR

Phil took his eyes off Bobby for just a second and Bobby stole a full tray from a beer vendor and poured most of it down his gullet in one greedy glub and then he picked a fight with the Batboy and Billy, who had been snorkeling in McCovey Cove looking for a harbor seal named Rudy who owed him money, joined in the fracas and the umpires threw the entire Grateful Dead out of the game.

OR

Look how excited Phil is to be out of that fucking restaurant. Doing Pink Floyd covers in Queens? Vegas residency? Just one single solitary night with my old pal and the bald guy? It’s the playoffs, for Christ’s sake, and if Phil doesn’t get away from that kitchen and those conversations he doesn’t understand about “seafood purveyors” and “linen costs.” Phil will play Bar Mitzvahs in Oakland to get away from those horrible busboys, whom he is quite certain are mocking him in Spanish.

OR

“YAAAAAAY!”

Wicker Man

October 13, 2014 / / 3 Comments

phil wicker egg vote

Like all his fellow Cat People of Felicidae IV, Throneworld to the Felis Empire (All Hail Emperor Buttons), Phil must–every four years–retreat to his wicker egg vagina and try to get people involved in civic affairs through public service announcements. It’s a really specific evolutionary development and xeno-biologists are mystified about it to this day.

(Seriously: that chair is terrifying. It looks like H.R. Giger’s summer camp arts and crafts project.)

Overheard At The Wedding

October 13, 2014 / / 1 Comment
  • I’m not even asking for a blueprint, Bear: just a clear description of what exactly a “Wall of Vows” is and why it costs three hundred thousand dollars.
  • Lenny Hart just stole the wedding cake.
  • You dosed the bridesmaids? I dosed the bridesmaids! Jesus, how many people dosed the bridesmaids? We should go check on them.
  • Billy, you really should have brought an aquarium or some water if you were going to give the couple tropical fish. They all died so quickly and predictably and preventably. It was sad.
  • Plus, you were throwing them at people.
  • Hey, is that Kim Jong-Un?
  • Mickey insisted on teaching everyone Jewish wedding traditions and long story short: Bobby threw a chair out a window; Phil broke a glass against the bar and is currently threatening the bartender with it while demanding to know “Just what the fuck is vermouth, anyway?”; and someone from the road crew sacrificed a flawless red heifer born in the west, and between that and the fish, it’s starting to smell up in here.
  • Who let Ned Lagin DJ?
  • Billy and Mickey have been improvising a percussion battle using the silverware and the older relatives’ walkers and wheelchairs for 35 minutes and it’s starting to wear thin.
  • Garcia’s officiant powers went to his head and now he won’t stop marrying people against their will.

The Dead And Dylan

October 5, 2014 / / 4 Comments

band dylan bw

“Oh, good: the guitarists brought their guitars. That way, everyone will know they’re guitarists.

“Phil, the directions were to come dressed up and…oh, I didn’t realize that was a collared tie-dye. Classy. You and Jill having date night after this?

“Can we have some people looking at the camera and others just talking amongst themselves at random, please?

“Is the bearded one in the back gonna collapse? Because he’s gonna collapse.

“Looking good, Bob. Chess King have a return policy?”

Backstage At Front Street

August 27, 2014 / / 0 Comments

bobby phil otis front street

If asked, Bobby would regale the room with stories about his formative years in Chapel Hill. He had done both his undergraduate and graduate work there, started a family, begun an affair with the divorcèe that ran the bowling alley: it was a life.

If you brought up the fact that Bobby left high school to join a rock and roll band at the age of sixteen and none of that could possibly be true, he would sic Otis on you.

Also: Heineken.

Also also: newspapers and pay phones.

Two-For-One Day At Big-Dicked Sheila's

August 15, 2014 / / 0 Comments

billy boby phil yay mickey

Oh, Bobby. We’ll get to you.

Mickey has stolen Billy’s mustache in the photo above, but been nice enough to leave him (Billy) one of his (Mickey’s) shirts (Dead). Billy looks odd without the lip-mongoose: where does he hide his secrets and dreams?

Phil is trying out a new thing where he shows the crowd his package while dropping a Phil Bomb; he calls it ‘the Presidential Suite” and Jill told him she liked it but she was lying.

Seriously, Mickey: give Billy his mustache back.

Is that corn behind them?

And finally: Bobert Herbert Walker Weir. The amount of photos of you in which one cannot decide what the worst thing is, is astonishing. It’s the goofy-bastard version of DiMaggio’s hitting streak.

You found, for example, the one thing that doesn’t go with the color white. Besides jeans, obviously. White jeans are for premature ejaculators and spokespeople for terrorist organizations.

Also, the fact that you and Phil have THE EXACT SAME HAIRCUT is kinda freaking me out over here.

Also also: rape whistle.

An Open Letter To Phil And Bobby

August 12, 2014 / / 3 Comments

phil jill bobby old museum

Gentlemen,

Neither of you are allowed to die. You may make an ill-conceived deal with the Abandoned Gods; discover you are a direct descendant of Clan McCloud; (continue to) ingest the living organs of runaways to gain their youth; swimming and boner pills: whatever it takes to remain around.

Sincerely,

TotD

None of that was okay.

Phil looks like he just accepted a hard truth.

…

I’ll give you that one.

 

 

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