Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Tag: poetry (Page 5 of 9)

A Terrible Poem About A Backstop

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You think you have rights
You are adorable
And I love you

Point to them
Show them to me
Maybe you left them in the car
Maybe you set your rights down
–accidentally–
In the freezer
Next to the banana guacamole
Go check
I’ll wait
And I love you

You have needs
And then there is what the bastards allow
And what they don’t

You have rights like you have
Names like you have
Religions like you have
Passports like you have
Money
Somebody wrote something down and you believed it

You have needs
And there is what the bastards will allow
And what they will not

You have one power
Inalienable
But small

Fuck you

Fingernails and families
Can be removed
Fuck you
Can only be given
And a middle finger can burn like a candle in the darkness

You think you have rights
You have needs
Fuck you
And then there is what the bastards will allow
And what they will not

And I love you

A Terrible Poem About A Canary

If the night seems dark,
It is.
Trust your eyes.
Your nose is useless,
And your ears collaborate
With liars’ mouths.
Unless they hear nothing.
When the jungle is quiet,
Something is about to die.

Do you see what I see?
His slouching done!
The beast is come!
Great gosh-a-mighty,
What a long time comin’.

The miners
–a mile down–
Argued with the canary.
“You can’t be sure that’s poison,”
One said.
“You are too dramatic, canary,”
Another said.
The canary did not say anything.
The canary was dead.
Canaries never get to say,
“I told you so.”

If it seems dark,
It is.
Trust your eyes.
Your nose is useless.

A Terrible Poem About Terrible Things

I’m not a rapist
I just held her down.
How dare you paint
With such broad strokes?

I’m not an arsonist
I just cheered him on.
And it needed to burn.
It was what we were all thinking.

I’m not a thief
I just pointed to the money.
If they didn’t want to be robbed,
Then they should have better locks.

I’m not a homophobe.
I just laugh at fag jokes.
Telling them is wrong, sure, maybe.
Some people say that.
Fags, mostly.

Have you met my economic insecurity?
Economic insecurity!
Economic insecurity!
Someone wants to meet you.
(It’s all his fault.
He’s a real asshole.
Not me.)
Come on out here!
Let people write thinkpieces about you.

Never ask a man with an umbrella
Whether it’s raining.

A Terrible Poem For My Father

Alaric is in the White City.
We guarded the southern gate,
But the vandals were everywhere.

It will be all right,
Eventually.
But eventually is a long way off.
And we have to make it through today.

My father used to ask me,
“Who told you life was fair?”
And he taught me to be proud
To be an American.
One out of two isn’t bad.

We buried him off the Parkway, and
I hope six feet was deep enough
To keep the newspaper
From being delivered.

I wish you were here, Dad;
But I’m glad you’re dead, Steve.

A Terrible Poem About Ducks

Get your ducks in a row.
Arm them.
Ducks are useless
Unless they’re armed.

Enlisted ducks get rifles.
Officers get pistols, too.
Duck don’t fight?
Duck don’t eat

March your war ducks
Into town.

Take the radio station;
Burn the newspaper;
Commandeer the high school;
The ducks need barracks.
The ducks need room to live.

Get your ducks in a row.
Arm the ducks.
It’s the only option left.

A Terrible Poem About A Terrible Idea

I heard they’re bringing knives and guns,
So we should bring much larger ones,
We’ll have more ammo, round for round,
And by dawn claim the higher ground.

We’ll keep the bad guy in our sights,
Our weapons will defend our rights.
They’ll bring a squad, us a battalion:
We’re an Armada; they’re a galleon.

Oh, I don’t see why we should wait:
They’re full of fear and full of hate.
“We’ll cause a problem” they have said;
I vote we snatch them from their bed.

They aren’t the types we need no more,
And they think thoughts that we deplore;
It surely must be self-defense
To round up fans of Trump and Pence.

A Terrible Poem About A Beast

I saw a beast with seven heads,
And fourteen pillows for his beds.
One head was slothful, one loved wealth;
You can guess the rest yourself.

His hat rack was a mile high,
Dessert: a bakery full of pie.
Tons of socks for all his feet,
A church pew was his only seat.

And when one head made up its mind,
The others never fell in line.
An argued life that never ceased.
Now aren’t you glad you’re not a beast?

A Terrible Poem For A Wyoming Rancher

The man dies before the name;
The debt outlives them both.

American death, man:
That shit’ll run ya.
CopayPPOdeductibleHMOpremiumPPO
Out of pocket before too long.

We can cure you wholesale.
Is the ranch in your name?
What’s in your name?
Whatever you’ve got,
You don’t need.
But what you have,
You don’t want.
Let’s make a deal:
How much for another year?
Lock these prices in now before the holidays.

Sign over all those cattle,
Or you could maybe sell the car.
Do you have a friend with money?
Or a hat and a guitar?

Well, if you didn’t have the cash,
then who told you to get old?

Five Minutes, Mr. Garcia

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Are all the lights set?
Yes, the lights are all set.
What about the sound?
It’s as good as we’ll get.

Where is the drummer?
I’ll try the bar.
And who’s seen the bassist?
He got into a car.
And where’s the road manager?
I think he got fired.
How about the keyboardist?
Napping: he’s tired

Is it hot in the hall?
Yes, it’s hot in the hall.
Tickets for that redhead?
Left with Will Call.

Is everything ready?
Yes, everything’s fine.
Then go get Garcia,
And tell him it’s time.

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