Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Tag: politics

What Can Be Accomplished In Less Than Seven Years?

  • Nine non-twin babies, which is an entire baseball team as long as you’re in a National League city.
  • Circumnavigating the world in a wooden sailboat with 16th century maps and technology. (Twice, with ten months left over.)
  • Construction of the Twin Towers AND the Freedom Tower. (Just barely.)
  • Ulysses.
  • You can put a man on the moon in seven years: JFK told the crowd at Rice University that we chose to go to the moon in September of ’62, and Neil Armstrong told the world that the Eagle had landed in July of ’69.
  • Given seven years of study, a human of reasonable intelligence could become an expert in virtually any field.
  • A French guy named Michel Lotito could eat three-and-a-half Cessna 150 airplanes.
  • Assuming you didn’t get eaten, you could swim from San Francisco to Tokyo and back eight times.
  • Witness the birth and death of 2,557 generations of fruit flies. (Hopefully, there would be some sort of science involved and you’re not just sitting there watching fruit flies fuck and die like some sort of weirdo.)
  • The creation of a capital city of a major country. (Brasilia. It was a planned city, and it took four years to build. 2.7 million people live there.)

Or, you know: you could come up with a replacement health care plan.

A Guide To Politics

REPUBLICANS Fuckin’ assholes. Was the party your father voted for; now the party your uncle would vote for were he allowed to vote. Worship Jesus and the Constitution, listen to neither. Shameless and unfuckable, The party that weaponized patriotism. Essentially a long con by Old Money. Currently being hoisted by their own retards.

DEMOCRATS Fuckin’ wimps. Entire platform is “Not the Republicans.” Always one or two real lefty peacenik-types on display to distract from the fact that they’ve started, elongated, and fucked up just as many wars as their supposedly more martial competition. Mostly an easy lay for New Money. A reminder that American political choice is limited to “Evil” or “Incompetent.” Liberal on social issues, eventually.

LIBERTARIANS White male assholes with mild Asperger’s who work with computers. Childish shits who were told they were special. People with grand ideas about humanity and petty hatred for humans. They believe in the right to be armed, and the right to be loaded. Can be found in the wild by listening for their mating call, “You’re being emotional, and I’m being logical.”

GREENS Pussies, the lot of ’em.