Tag: raccoon

Koalas are just dumb raccoons. Raccoons are omnivores, capable of eating just about anything, which you would think would make life easier: no, it just presents more decisions. Koalas, on the other hand, can only eat one thing and therefore don’t need intelligence.

The more things you eat, the smarter you are.

Whales.

…

Excuse me?

Whales. Specifically baleen whales. Blue whales, humpbacks, right whales, etc. Only eat one thing; very smart.

I wasn’t talking about fish.

I’ll ignore that. What about elephants?

Elephants have a varied diet.

They really don’t. They mostly just jam trees in their mouth.

They gotta know which trees, though.

What about people on juice cleanses? They only ingest one thing, and most of those folks have college degrees.

Most?

Probably all.

Yeah, you have to be real educated to be that dopey.

True.

My initial statement may not be based on solid science.

No.

Raccoons are definitely better than koalas, though.

Oh, yeah. Our chubby, disease-ridden tree-dwellers are better than their chubby, disease-ridden tree-dwellers.

God bless America.

Sure.