Tag: rick rubin

“There are clans, right?”

“Not a dwarf, Bob.”

“Y’gotta have clans, otherwise no one knows where to mine. I know your people are big-time miners.”

“Never mined.”

“The Dead was supposed to do a couple shows in Svartalfheim, but the promoter turned out to be a flake.”

“I’m from Long Island, Bob. Y’know, we should really do a record together.”

“Sure, yeah. The last one took me 30 years, but I think this next sucker is just gonna flow. Decade, tops”

“I think we could do it faster than that. I usually work quick.”

“Quick question: Shouldn’t they be Beastie Men by now?”

“I don’t really–”

CELL PHONE NOISE

“I gotta get this.”

“If it’s Kim Jong-Un, please don’t put me on the phone with him again. I’m pretty sure I’m on a watch list now. And it wasn’t fun talking to him.”

“He got sexual?”

“From the hop. He was sexual from the hop.”

“He does that. Gimme a sec.”

…

“Weir here.”

“Everything gone pear-shape, Hairy Garcia.”

“Never understood that expresion. Pears are, uh, delicious. When I see a pear, I’m thinking of health and refreshment and flavor. Don’t see why looking like one is a bad thing.”

“You done?”

“Go ahead.”

“Remember how I cure coronavirus?”

“Yuh-huh.”

“I no cure coronavirus.”

“Ah.”

“Vaccine have side effect. Baaaaaaad side effect.”

“Got yourself a zombie outbreak, do ya?”

“Big time, Hairy Garcia. And everyone here was hungry before becoming zombie, so it worse than can imagine. Everyone is eat everyone. Is real bummer scene.”

“You should probably self-isolate.”

“I good. You know panic room?”

“I’ve heard of ’em.”

“I got panic mountain. Whole inside scooped out. Is no bad. Got Netflix.”

“You’re just gonna have to wait this one out.”

“Send magic dwarf. He be so impressed with what I do to mountain.”

“Ask him yourself.”

“…and, uh, that’s where the term ‘lollygagging’ comes from.”

“I didn’t know that, Bob, but I asked you about your watch.”

“It’s a computer. Just about everything is these days. Your watch is a computer, your phone is a computer. They’re coming for our cats and dogs next, I betcha.”

“We already put microchips in them.”

“There you go, Gimli.”

CELL PHONE NOISE

“I gotta take this. It might be my watch.”

“Sure.”

…

“Weir here.”

“Hairy! Other drummer tell you about gig?”

“Last thing Mickey told me was that he thought he was gonna throw up. And then he threw up.”

“He weak link in chain.”

“He was that night, yeah.”

“Kim Jong-Un discover cure for corona. I announce. Big concert. Grateful Dead play.”

“There is no Grateful Dead without the Big Guy.”

“I clone.”

“Don’t do that.”

“Already done. Made many mistakes along way. Created many abominations.”

“Did they run amok?”

“So amok! Never seen this much amok! Have three heads and skin inside-out, but still murdering everyone in sight!”

“Yup, that’s what happens. Movies wouldn’t lie to us.”

“We work out kink. Now we got a working Jerry. So you come. Hairy Garcia get cranky man and sex weirdo and other drummer. Come to Only Korea and play with Clone Jerry.”

“Like usual, I’m gonna pass.”

“You suck. Ask Gimli for Red Hot Chili Pepper number.”

“I’ll just put him on with you.”