Tag: ringo starr

“I don’t have the money, Ringo. I’m gonna get it.”

“Y’better fuckin’ get it, y’bastard. I’ll kick you right in the shins.”

OR

“Hey, Ringo. What are you and Joe Walsh talking about?”

“Sobriety.”

“Nice talking to you.”

OR

“Why do they call you Ringo?”

OR

“Y’know, Mickey, after the Dead & Company tour wraps up, we’d love to have you on my All-Stars tour. It’s a lot of fun.”

“Ringo, I’d love to. What an honor. I have twelve trucks full of equipment and a traveling staff of seven.”

“Nice talking to you.”

OR

“Ringo, did you know the Dead played many Beatles songs?”

“I didn’t. Did you play them well?”

“Oh, no. Not at all. Uniformly our worst covers. Plus, we half-assed our way through ’em. Sounded kinda like the band that came in second in the Battle of the Bands at the high school.”

“If it makes you feel better, The Beatles were terrible live. Or, you know: we would have been. The road wasn’t for us, you know. We preferred to stay in London and make records, and then go on vacation. Was that the Dead’s strategy?”

“No, we went to Wisconsin in the winter.”

“Oh.”

“And then we went back in the summer.”

“Is it nicer then?”

“Very humid.”

“Oh.”

OR

“Is that a rented tux?”

“Of course not. I got it from Creepy Ernie.”

“I thought he just did trousers.”

“He’s expanding. You know Creepy Ernie?”

“Was in there the other day. Went on this out-of-nowhere rant about how ‘cocksucker’ was a misunderstood word.”

“Yeah, he’ll do that.”

“Then he grabbed my gentleman’s sausage and asked if I wanted to get hard with a little help from my friends.”

“I always found it nice how Ernie individualizes his perversions to the specific customer.”

“Old-fashioned service.”