“Welcome back to the Rachel Maddow show. My guest this evening is the Republican Congressperson from Iowa’s 4th district, Steve King.”
“Congressman, Rachel.”
“I prefer the gender-neutral term, sir.”
“And I’d prefer if your haircut matched your cooter, but no one gets to be happy around here, I guess.”
“Congressperson, you’ve a long history of controversial comments. You’ve accused Puerto Ricans of, and I quote, being more flammable than regular people.”
“True. Those suckers catch easy. Don’t need kindling.”
“You called the Jackson 5 ‘racist’ because they didn’t have any white members.”
“Racist as hell! Tito, especially.”
“Sir, you have long advocated culling the homeless.”
“Well, there you go. The lamestream, Soros-controlled, narrative-pushing, agenda-driven, libcuckinated, cosmopolitan, coastal elite, lying, failing–”
DEEP BREATH NOISE
“–fake news again.”
“You did not advocate reducing the numbers of the unhoused via mass murder?”
“I did not. I fomented culling the homeless.”
“That’s worse.”
“Not in Iowa.”
“I’m moving on. Congressperson, you’re currently sponsoring a bill in the House that would disallow at a federal level all abortions, with no exceptions for rape or incest.”
“No exceptions for anything! Lady gets kidnapped by an evil scientist and he implants a fish-baby in her? She’s having that fish-baby. I heard this one story from the Civil War where a bullet went through a young soldier’s testicle, then ended up in a nearby woman’s womb. She’s having that bullet-baby. Rape baby, incest baby, fish-baby, I don’t care.”
“That’s a bit extreme.”
“This is all in scripture. Jesus wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for incest.”
“What with the who now?”
“I’m speaking about the Christian Bible, now, Rachel. You probably studied it in college, but a lot of Americans believe in that book.”
“Uh-huh.”
“God is the Father. Father of us all, Rachel. Even you, a muff-munching sinner.”
“Offensive.”
“God is the Father of me, and of the unborn children ripped from their mothers by cruel doctors, most of whom are Jewish or Asian, but I notice a lot of Indians now. God is the Father of our beautiful, strong President Donald J. Trump. God is the Father of President Trump’s beautiful, strong children. I mean, the President is also their father, but I’m speaking Biblically.”
“Are you going somewhere with this?”
“And God is the Father of Mary. So, when Mary bore the Son of God, she was also bearing the Son of her Father. Which make Jesus an incest-baby.”
“I’m not sure there’s any theological backing for that line of reasoning.”
“Jesus is an incest-baby, Rachel! Just like Faye Dunaway in Chinatown. Would you abort Jesus and Faye Dunaway, Rachel? That’s my Lord you’re talking about! And she was Bonnie, dammit!”
“Please stop yelling, Congressperson King.”
“I’m riled! There’s 18 trillion unborn babies being slaughtered every day–”
“That number isn’t right.
“–and that’s just here in Iowa.”
“Nuh-uh.”
“And I love each and every one of them as if they were my own unborn children. People always talking bad about rape, but it does make more unborn babies, and you know what I say? The more the merrier! If rape is what it takes to get the numbers up, then so be it. Iowa needs less illegal immigrants, and more unborn babies. We’re talking about the future of our country here.”
“I have no idea what we’re talking about here.”
“Nothing’s all good or all bad, Rachel. Rape included. What if the only way the fire department could put out a fire was through rape? You’d be a big rape fan then, wouldn’t you?”
“I will not entertain that hypothesis.”
“Prison rape. Everybody loves prison rape.”
“They do not, sir. No one loves rape except rapists.”
“Well, there you go! Unlike leftists, I do not discriminate against people for their political beliefs.”
“No, sir. I like to rape is not a political belief.
“Thoughtcrime!”
“Stop it.”
“I’ve been accused of thoughtcrime by the thinkpolice!”
“Congressperson.”
“I won’t be politically corrected by the likes of you. My job is to represent the citizens of Iowa’s 4th district, and they like the job I’m doing. I walk down the street and everyone shakes my hand, tells me how wonderfully I fight for the farmers and unborn babies and unborn farmers. Some folks try to give me a ‘high five,’ but I don’t do that. I’m a white man. I don’t do that.”
“Oh, we’re off of rape and back to racism.”
“I won’t do any of those negro gestures. Gimme five. I don’t need you to gimme five. I can earn five. But that’s the black mentality, isn’t it? Gimme five, gimme five. They become dependent on being given five, and that’s what the Democrats want. The Republicans are the party of Lincoln, you know. We freed the slaves. Was the black ill-suited to govern himself and better off as a slave? Inarguably.”
“Very arguably.”
“And now the Democrats have put the black back in chains. Rachel, do you understand that I love unborn rape-babies so much that I even love black rape-babies!?”
“We’re going to go to commercial, and you won’t be here when we get back.”
“Hillary Clinton killed Jeffrey Epstein with her bare hands.”
“You’re the worst.”
“No, the other one.”
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