Good things about Pitchfork: several of my innertube Rock Nerd friends write for them, and I would assume they get paid for their efforts; this is a wonderful thing.
Bad things about Pitchfork: everyfuckingthing else.
Go look at this. It’s their list of the 200 BEST EVAR songs of the 1970’s, and it’s a hoot. Ramones top out at #38, way under Patti Smith (who was the East Coast Jim Morrison), and Disco is as poorly represented as always, and–wait, what the fuck.
MY SWEET FUCKING LORD is on the list? That bearded weak link stole that song from The Chiffons! Jesus, Pitchfork. Okay, now you’ve got my full attention. We shall now go to randomized bullet points, and you brought this on yourself. (No one at Pitchfork is listening, as the new Frank Ocean album was just released, and it is three weeks long.)
- American Girl is only #158? Kiss my ass.
- Surrender is #142. Rockford’s favorite sons Cheap Trick are at #142, and Can is #54? NO ONE ACTUALLY LIKES CAN, PITCHFORK. Can is the German Captain Beefheart: if you don’t pretend to like them, you get thrown out of Bleecker Bob’s.
- “Hey, do you know anything about country music?”
- “No.”
- “Me, either.”
- “Just put a Dolly Parton song and a Waylon Jennings in there.”
- “Done.”
Oh, fuck this, this whole list is fucked: you can’t compare Side Two of Miles Davis’ Jack Johnson and She’s Gone by Hall & Oates, and there’s no New York Dolls–Personality Crisis has a better chorus than any of this bullshit–and Kate Bush is obviously a Gilda Radner character, Jesus, Pitchfork.
And now I’m bored and this is pointless; this list is illegitimate, provably so:
If Another Girl, Another Planet (1978) isn’t on the list, then the list is wrong.
AND, fuckers, AND what about paying a little respect to the King?
1972: his last great single. Far be it from me to suggest that Lou Reed didn’t deserve all 83 slots he was awarded on your list, but I truly think there might have been a little room for Elvis. Jesus, Pitchfork.
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Holy shit, there’s no Zevon. FUCK YOU, PITCHFORK.
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