Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Tag: trey anastasio (Page 5 of 9)

Good Evening, We’re Here To Date Your Daughters

IMG_1887

Without even a feint at any sort of order:

  • Everyone looks pretty good.
  • Mickey is using his tremendous forearm and wrist strength to keep Phil and Billy in proximity.
  • Mickey’s got dad strength, old guy strength, and drummer strength: you would not want to play the Lobster Game with him.
  • There’s just not much to really goof on: everyone looks healthy and upright.
  • Mickey and Bruce should not both be standing, though.
  • As always, this turns into a commentary on Mickey.
  • Look at how adorable Trey is with his potato salad and then Bobby’s all SHAZAM! and the contest is over.
  • And then there’s Bobby’s thigh, which is now a full-fledged Grateful Dead.
  • They all look good and that makes me happy but is complete shit for material.

Runaround

07-07-15Posted in News by Sara“Oh, you did? You brought your harmonicas?”

“The plural is harmonicae, and: yeah. Plus the–”

“Bandolier things.”

“–harmonicassock, so if you need–”

“Wait.”

“–me to play in any key at all–”

“John, do you call that thing a harmonicassock?”

“Yeah. That’s its name.”

“Fine.”

“So, you know: I’ll be around for Spoonful or Miracle or whatever. You know there’s never been a Dark Star with a harmonica solo?”

“Imagine that.”

“You just gimme the nod.”

“Dude, in no way am I allowed to invite buddies up to jam.”

“I won’t tell Mike.”

“It’s not about that.”

“Okay, whatever: just know that I’m ready. I need 40 glasses of water to dunk my harmonicae in.”

“No.”

“Fine.”

“Craft services is that way.”

“Lovely to see you again, Treyvon.”

“As always, Jonnifer.”

Me And My Shadow

https-instagram.com-p-45LR3NKO5R
Treyvon!

“Hey, buddy. You having fun?”

Oh, man: you got no idea.Hey, y’know what: thank you. Just: thank you. You killed it and not by accident; you killed it.

“Well, I appreciate that, y;know It was a big thing to me, and I thought it deserved, you know, a certain respect and–”

Trey.

“–a lot of practice, man–

Trey.

“and just taking it…yeah?”

Don’t turn around.

“Benjy?”

Yeah.

“Guys been following me around for half my life, man.”

Was that not what you were desiring when you were learning how to play the guitar?

“Zorba the Geek over there shadowing me til my grave? No.”

Gotcha.

“He wearing his giant headphones?”

They’re around his neck.

“Lot of opportunities to listen to music during a Dead show?”

Maybe he’s listening to a different Dead show.

“There’s pretty much nothing but “maybes” with that guy.”

You look like Ron Howard with hair.

“I’ve heard that, yeah.”

And Then It’s On To Chicago

Set 2 – Mississippi Half-Step >Wharf Rat> Eyes Of The World >He’s Gone >Drums w/ Sikiru Adepoju>I Need A Miracle >Death Don’t Have No Mercy >Sugar Magnolia

E: Donor Rap>Brokedown Palace > Mickey’s Prayer for Peace

As always: not a review of any sort, just kinda thoughts. On the…well, you know.

  • There will be a meeting about microphone privileges.
  • If the trend continues, July 5th will be capped by Jeff Chimenti thanking his parents for piano lessons and his Christopher Walken impression, which is not great.
  • Sometimes in life, you’ll turn away for just a second and when you look back: black guy.
  • His name was Spiro Agnew or something and he whomped on some stuff.
  • Mickey brought him along; he is not Mickey’s Benjy, though.
  • White guys cannot have black guys as their Benjies.
  • Black guys can be Benjies, of course: Puff Daddy had a Benjy.
  • Morris Day and Jerome.
  • White guy can’t have a black Benjy.
  • The whole point of a Benjy is that he’s your property.
  • Gotta have a Benjy the same as you; why have the internet write about how problematic you are?
  • Billy might be about to murder someone, and it’s going to be whomever is singing at the moment, I think.
  • Bobby seems to have recently shifted to a more Willie Nelson-type of phrasing.
  • Don’t get me wrong on this one: TotD loves the Redheaded Stranger.
  • But what Willie sings and the music being played has no bearing on one another.
  • They’re two separate and unrelated things happening at the same time in the same place.
  • Like getting a tugger in the stands of a minor-league hockey game: the players don’t know about your potato salad getting whipped; the jerk-job doesn’t, say, go faster if your team is up.
  • And that works fine for Willie, because Willie either accompanies himself with Trigger or tells the band ahead of time, “Do not listen to me; actively ignore me or this will go poorly. Especially the drummer. Who wants to smoke weed with Willie?”
  • But Bobby and Billy have no such understanding, it seems, and Bobby is torch songing the fuck out these tunes and Billy keeps getting thrown off the horse and Im afraid Billy’s going to stab Bobby. I’m sure Mickey has a knife somewhere in there.
  • “It’s not a knife: it’s a drum shaped like a knife.”
  • Thanks, Mick.
  • Treyvon is killing it.
  • Someone needs to tell him that he has tenure.
  • Trophy Alfaromeo is less fire-able right now than Joe Biden.
  • MAKE THEM JAM, TRELLIS.
  • There’s an old saying about how you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t it drink, but that’s not true.
  • You just have to torture the horse.
  • Horses are just like anyone else: if you torture them, they will do things.
  • TORTURE THE HORSES, TRUFFLE.
  • Next time, you must not pretend to not notice Bobby trying to get you to stop jamming.
  • Look him in his eyes.
  • Then, redouble your efforts towards the jam.
  • MAINTAIN EYE CONTACT, TROMBONE.
  • The jam ends when the jam ends.
  • Is it not written?
  • A long time ago, a man named Bear addressed Garcia, Bobby, and Phil. “You can sing, you can sing, you can sing. You cannot all sing at the same time.”
  • The players change, but the song remains the same.
  • I don’t know what that last sentence means, either.
  • We learned during Miracle that Jeff Chimenti has been authorized to sing; from what I could make out, he has a fine voice.
  • There are five vocalists onstage and the very laws of probability and music theory say that at least one or two combinations should be pleasing to the ear.
  • These combinations have not been found, but hope springs eternal.
  • There was a visible on ramp to Dark Star after Half-Step, which would have been perversely awesome: Dark Stars every night.
  • First set Dark Star.
  • “YOU get a Dark Star, and YOU get a Dark Star!”
  • Instead, they downshifted to Wharf Rat.
  • I’m pretty sure if you asked Jeff Chimenti to do you up an arrangement of Wharf Rat with the only musical direction being “Break my heart, Jeff Chimenti: fuck my shit up with song,” then Jeff Chimenti could give you what you’re asking for and stuff you didn’t know you wanted.
  • If he didn’t already have that shit in his pocket.
  • Jeff Chimenti prepares.
  • The sight of a sold-out football stadium set up for a concert–where the field is full as well as the stands–is halfway between glorious and terrifying.
  • These shows are a big deal for the stadium, and not specifically these shows: summer concerts at football stadiums.
  • A stadium’s a business: it needs customers and their main patrons take three-quarters of the year off for the ridiculous reason that adding even one more game to the NFL schedule would kill all the players the first year it was implemented.
  • There aren’t a ton of acts that can pack the house anymore so when, say, the Kinda Dead or Taylor Swift decide to play your venue, it’s a big deal.
  • You celebrate and, of course, everybody takes pictures and there are gifts and it gets in the paper and the wheels of show business go round and everyone feels like a big shot.
  • One of these gifts is a personalized jersey from the home franchise.
  • Most stars get a “1” on the back, because they think highly of themselves and enjoy when others follow suit.
  • I would guess that when Taylor Swift did this, they gave her number 89 because of her record.
  • The Dead, obviously, got 49ers jerseys with 50 on the back to celebrate their 50 years as a band..
  • There was a small ceremony and there was one made for every band member.
  • Unlike the old days, when Phil would scowl at the record executives and Garcia would simply refuse to come out of his room, people were polite and even if football jerseys weren’t their thing they gave thanks all around and took pictures and were just generally pleasant human beings.
  • Bobby will never wear his; Bruce is wearing that fucker around the house.
  • Only Mickey fell in love.
  • He caressed the shiny, slightly tacky letters: H A R T. 5 0.
  • Fifty years. The band didn’t exist for 20 of those years, and Mickey himself was only a member for 26 of the other 30 years, but still: 50 years.
  • It was so much more than just the symbolism: it was what the symbolism represented.
  • This was not just a free t-shirt.
  • A free t-shirt was designed, created, etc., with the intent of being sold; it only becomes a free t-shirt upon contact with Mickey.
  • Not this.
  • This jersey was made for the specific purpose of being given away: it had never had value attached to.
  • Other than the value generated by the fact that it’s free.
  • Mindfuck, right?
  • Mickey saw it instantly, though, and in his mind he ran through his underground fireproof t-shirt bunkers with hatchet and bleach, damning his formerly beloved garments.
  • Calling them whores.
  • “I love you for you are pure, Football Jersey With My Name On It,”
  • (Mickey had begun referring to the shirt that way immediately and it was clear that the words were capitalized and maybe you don’t want any piece of this one.)
  • “I shall use you to hide my nipples from society and God.”

This week in TotD: more from Santa Clara, plans for Chicago, and the dramatic origin story of Mickey’s gloves.

Status Update

dead stage
STAGE: Getting there, and would get there a lot sooner if Precarious Lee hadn’t started communing with Bear’s spirit and tried to rewire the mixing board with a hammer.

BOBBY: Relaxed, doing yoga, letting out yoga farts, hanging out with the dogs.

BILLY: Bored, antsy, regretful about Benjy Eisen’s tragic death, sending hookers to Bruce Hornsby’s room.

PHIL: Yelling at Peter Shapiro, the internet, Mickey, and Jeff Chimenti. Also binge-watching Orange is the New Black.

MICKEY: Arguing with contractors about the new closet he’s going to add to fit the three tons of free t-shirts he’s picking up the next two weeks.

PETER SHAPIRO: Being yelled at by Phil, remembering what someone wrote about meeting your heroes, paying off angry hookers Billy sent to Bruce Hornsby’s room.

BENJY EISEN: Dead.

GARCIA: Also dead.

TREY ANASTASIO: Nervous and scared, but mixed with excitement. Like 90% excitement, and 10% nervous and scared? Hanging out in his hotel room playing the Laser Duck and listening to all the screaming going on in the hall.

THE DEADHEADS: Gathering as we speak.

THE GATE: Being counted, laundered, turned into krugerrands, and flown to the Cayman Islands as we speak.

BRUCE HORNSBY: Being beaten with a shoe by a hooker named Flaflonda, hating Billy.

JEFF CHIMENTI: On-time, sober, and prepared for whatever opportunities you choose to include him in, thank you.

 

 

Bruce Hornsby & The Ginge Alpha

trey bruce big“Last chance to back out, Treyvon.”

“Bruce, I am pumped. I am psyched about these gigs like I haven’t been in a long, long time.”

“I like to hear that. Y’know, I’ve been playing it cool, but I got some goosebumps, too, brother.”

“Oh, yeah.”

“Give this thing the proper good-bye.”

“Right. Of course, first we gotta survive a month with these freakshows.”

“I plan on taking up drinking.”

“You’re smart, Bruce. Opiates would be great, too.”

“Yeah?”

“Oh, yeah. The secret of the poppy is that the first little bit is awesome and truly unlocks some creative spaces you wouldn’t have been able to access without it.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. But then there’s a rough decade.”

“Wow.”

“Quite a bit more vomiting than one would choose.”

“Good tips.”

“Sure. Speaking of vomiting: how are they?”

“Mickey’s in tip-top shape.”

“That’s nice.”

“Been at the rehearsal studio for a few weeks, now.”

“Sleeping–”

“Sleeping there.”

“–there? Dammit.”

“Not really sleeping.”

“Oh, what could be worse?”

“It’s like the Tony Stark suit-building montage, but with drums.”

“He’s inspired.”

“He’s inspired.”

“Also, this is the first blank check anyone’s handed Mickey for a while.”

“And he’s gonna whack on every piece of tanned animal hide he can until the money runs out.”

“You seem to get Mickey, Trey.”

“I do, though you will notice my band does not contain one.”

“Mm.”

“Mm-hmm.”

Putting It Together

IMG_1619“Treyvon, sit up straight.”

“He’s right, Trouble: gingers shouldn’t slouch.”

“Well, can I have a chair with a back?”

“No. Those are for paying customers.”

“It’s nice of Phil to let us use the restaurant, Triple. Thank your Phil.”

“Thanks, Phil.”

“You’re welcome, but I don’t know why we can’t charge people a hundred a head to watch us practice.”

“Because in the past hour, we haven’t managed to figure out what key Brown-Eyed Women was in. And you forgot your bass. Also, Bobby bought some pills from your bartender in plain sight a half hour ago.”

“Not that bad.”

“Plus, every time someone mentions Billy–”

“FUCK BILLY!”

“FUCK BILLY!”

“–you and Jill start screaming and it’s just not good for unit cohesion.”

“Who died and made you Garcia?”

“Garcia did, kinda.”

“Oh, yeah, right.”

Bruce Hornsby & The Ginge Number Let’s Just Say 13

trey bruce big“You see that Dear Jerry thing, Bruce?”

“I did. Most of it. Enough.”

“Thought you were gonna be there.”

“It turns out that I didn’t want to.”

“Good call.”

“Y’know, Trey: I’m not the only keyboardists left alive because I’m dumb.”

“I hear that.”

“Where were you?”

“I find the whole jam-band scene boring and creepy and insular.”

“I’m shitting you.”

“You had me going, T-Rex.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“What are you hearing about their general levels of sanity/consciousness?”

“Mickey and Bobby are sharp-eyed and ready to play.”

“Billy?”

“If he makes it to the end of this book-tour/twelve state rampage/drug marathon he’s on, it’ll be a miracle.”

“Phil talk to anyone?”

“Phil didn’t talk to his own band, half of which is made up of his sons.”

“He’s taking Billy’s book personally, huh?”

“Words can sting, Treyvon.”

Yet Another Open Letter To Trey Anastasio

My Dearest Treyvon,

Hi! How are you? I’m fine! I hope it’s getting warmer where you are! It sure has been a rough winter! Talk about “cold rain and snow!”

Please stop writing like that.

Trout, we need to get some stuff straight, but right upfront: TotD thinks you are the best choice for the gig. Granted, I did lobby pretty hard for Ace Frehley to get the job, but that’s just because of my love of a good train wreck. Your presence makes this an Event, whether bitter and silly Deadheads want to acknowledge it or not.

Technically, you are more than qualified for the job. You can play really fast or really, really fast. You have many pedals, which Garcia would have approved of. Your guitar costs as much as a Ford Fiesta, which Garcia would have loved. The only way you could solo more would be to sleep less.

Garcia was known to solo.

I don’t know what songs you’ll be taking lead vocals on, but I’m sure singing lyrics that aren’t terrible will feel comfortable eventually.

That said: we need to get some shit straight, Tiff Anasazi.

This, for example, is not going to work for anyone:

trey shorts

We already got one of these. No one needs another one of these. The one we’ve got is more than enough trouble, thank you.

There will also be none of this:

trey wtf
I don’t know what’s happening here, but it can’t happen anywhere near Billy. For your safety, the earnest teens’ safety, and–since the shows are taking place on July Fourth–the country’s safety: do not do this, whatever it is.

You also don’t need to bring any weapons.

trey micke guns
It’s Chicago; you can find guns there easily.

To conclude: Toy Alpaca, you are the guy for this gig. Do it right. (And no shorts.)

Sincerely,

Thoughts on the Dead

Sneak Preview

bobby trey phil omnstage
“You’re not my Garcia.”

“And you’re damned lucky for it, mister. If I were your Garcia, you would be going straight back to your dressing room to put on some human clothes.”

“Are you talking about the stringent dress code you maintain in your side project?”

“Phish is not my side project, Bobby.”

“Got one fucker looks like Divine’s nerdy brother/sister, got another sitting next to Kanye at Fashion Week.”

“Page looks okay.”

“Page looks like he has a game of Settlers of Cataan going. Don’t tell me how to dress, Not Garcia.”

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