Billy wanted to smoke the joint in public, so people knew that he enjoyed marijuana.
Also: Trixie does not trust any of the sketchy fuckers in this place and chose to bring her purse onstage with her.
Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To
Tag: trixie garcia (Page 3 of 5)
“Annabelle!”
“That’s my sister.”
“Fifi!”
“Close, but no.”
“Otis?”
“That was Bobby’s dog, Mickey.”
“Are you Jeff Chimenti?”
“Stop looking at my hair and look at my face, Mickey.”
“Okay.”
…
“You’re too short to be Bill Walton.”
“Good talk, Uncle Mick.”
Everyone would make a deal with the Devil. Everybody’s got that one thing. Lady across the street would sign her soul over for power; man on the bench would do it for money.
Trixie would sell her soul to not have to stand next to white guys pontificating about her father any more.
Immediately before this picture was taken, Cutler secretly dosed Trixie but, you know: she was cool with it.
How’d you know?
…
…
…
Chewbacca?
“No, it’s me. Bill Walton.”
Oh, thank God. I thought someone had shaved a Wookiee.
“No, this is how I look. Y’know, I auditioned for that part, Chewie, for the original film.”
Really? Why didn’t you get it?
“Shattered my left tibia putting on the costume.”
You truly were hampered by injuries.
“I’m more machine than man, now.”
Sure. Mrs. Donna Jean, you look lovely.
“A woman’s beauty is God’s gift to the world.”
What about ugly women?
“They are the Devil’s bear trap.”
Good talk. Hi, Trix–
“Restraining order says you can’t have conversations with photographs of me.”
Seems kind of meta to put in a legal document.
“And, yet: here we are.”
The Robin Hood Foundation is most likely a wonderful charity. It’s been around for a while and none of the first three Google search-pages about them contain the phrase “CEO fled the country under cover of darkness.” That’s a plus.
But the Rex Foundation still needs your money, too, and is run by Trixie Garcia. This makes it better.
“What the fuck is that!?”
“That’s the waiter, Billy.”
“And who the fuck are you?”
“Trixie, Billy. You have known me literally my entire life.”
“And who the fuck is that?”
“That’s Benjy, Bill.”
“Benjy?”
SHH-shh-shh-SHMLURF
“Ack. Ack. Ack.”
“And what the fuck did I just do?”
“You ninja-tossed your steak knife into Benjy’s neck.”
“Ack. Ack.”
FLUMPF
“What the fuck just happened?”
“Benjy died. You killed Benjy again.”
…
“Do they have tater tots here?
“Almost certainly not.”
“Are you my current wife?”
“Almost definitely not.”
- She always looks juuuust a little disgusted by Deadheads, and good for her.
- Due to her superhuman lung capacity, Trixie has entertained parties for years by blowing up a hot-water bottle until it explodes.
- Taller than I thought.
- Although that guy does have a short-guy vibe to him.
- If we had a person with a known height standing a known distance from the camera in the shot, then we would have our answer.
- That’s kinda how we figure out how far away stars are, actually.
- I mean, let’s assume the guy isn’t freakishly small: let’s peg him at normal short-guy height, like 5’5″.
- That would make Trixie an easy 5’9″.
- …
- I’m sorry, I may have swooned a little.
- Someone fetch TotD a shandy and someone to loosen my corset.
- She knew Tupac and will tell you stories about him; if you get her drunk, she will tell you where Tupac is because Tupac is still alive.
- Has never murdered anyone who made a “Touch of Grey” joke about her hair, even though she wants to every single time.
- No joke: this woman’s complete and seemingly genetic lack of ability to fake a smile is beautiful.
- Trixie gets the dank.
- Probably also a deep discount.
- Eyebrows on fleek.
- Both Garcia and Mountain Girl also had eyebrows of a high fleek quotient, but they didn’t have the concept of fleek back then.
- Also, if you had told Garcia that his eyebrows were on fleek, Parish would have punched you.
- Just on general principle.
- Does Parish serve Trixie now?
- I am assuming ownership of Parish passed to Garcia’s estate.
- Trixie does a lot of public stuff, and people can suck, so I hope she got Parish.
- Or at least a Parish.
- Trixie does not have a Benjy.
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What have we learned?
- Madison Square Garden has some sort of Hall of Fame that the Dead are now in.
- Mickey has a daughter.
- His daughter has a bellybutton.
- For at least an hour or so on Sunday, Billy was more than ten feet from Benjy Eisen.
- Trixie has always been my hero (as well as my long-suffering wife and soulmate,) but the fact that she’s giving Billy the hoverhand up there just cements the deal for me.
- Trixie in ’16.
- Every guy at the racetrack looks like Billy. Since they invented racetracks, every guy there has looked like Billy. There was a guy at the Circus Maximus wearing that hat.
- Bobby wants to know if you can still get those delicious hot dogs from the carts in New York.
- In this picture, we see Bobby remembering and forgetting something. Not “or.” Bobby has reached his brain’s storage capacity, so putting a new fact or name or whatever in there is a zero sum game: something else has to come out.
- Between the new people Bobby met today and the fact that Mickey has a daughter, Bobby may very well have forgotten where he lives.
- You live on Mt. Tamalpais, Bobby. Just go to there and wander around; someone will recognize you and call your wife.
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