In honor of the manly and earthy-smelling website Reddit, Thoughts on the Dead presents Scary Two-Sentence Stories.

  • Did you enjoy the chimichangas? Dammit, Garcia just locked himself in the only bathroom.
  • Billy’s right behind you. That means you’re right in front of him.
  • Hi, guys. Oh…hi, Ned.
  • We’ve traced the call! Bobby’s shorts are INSIDE THE HOUSE.
  • My pills rolled under the bed. Lend me your lighter.
  • Mickey collaborated with that deaf lady who plays percussion barefoot on a three-hour all-snare symphonic interpretation of his recent colonoscopy. The album WILL be released.
  • And when I woke up in the bathtub full of ice, ‘Call 911, your liver has been removed,’ was written on the mirror! Oh, yeah: that was Phil: he eats livers.
  • Hey, has anyone seen my slide? Oh, here it is!